Tag Archives: NFP

Uplifting Teaching on The Catholic Faith

23 Jan

There are times in the life of all Catholics when our faith can be sorely tested. I find that the African Cardinals like Cardinal Arinze have a wonderful, uplifting, clear, and engaging way of explaining the truths of the Catholic Faith.

Whether you are questioning Catholic Teaching, questioning in general, or just interested in understanding the Catholic Faith better.

Then by all means watch this video of Cardinal Arinze responding to many questions from birth control to Liturgical dance. By the time the video is done, you will not just understand – you will be smiling.

Pax Christi,

Colin

My Hopes for the Synod on the Family

16 Oct

game night

I had very high hopes for the Synod on the Family. To help you understand I will list many of the things I had hoped for.

  • I was hoping for a reaffirmation of traditional marriage, along with vast improvements to the pre-cana process.
  • I was praying for a recommended framework to establish parish marriage ministries that would facilitate young and troubled couples being paired with a long married couple to act as mentors.
  • I longed deeply to see both men and women’s marital support groups formed and led by priests or deacons (no lay leadership) to help people work through conflicts in marriage according to Catholic principles and provide a peer support group.
  • I wanted to see the tradition of a get together after mass either for a meal or just coffee and doughnuts brought back so that the faithful can meet in a social setting and really get to know each other and spend time together.
  • I prayed for list of family activities that should be preached from the pulpit such as families sharing meals at a common table, spending one evening a week playing games or reading books or plays together.
  • Spouses being strongly encouraged to spend one night a week as date night with the local Church helping with childcare arrangements and potential affordable activities.
  • The incorporation of NFP classes into pre-cana because most men are woefully ignorant of a woman’s reproductive system and how it really works.
  • New Catechesis books to emphasize the indissolubility of marriage and the true nature of marital love.

Instead I got an infallible doctrine defying progressive pro-homosexual marriage acceptance, pro-divorce, pro-broken family acceptance instead of healing diatribe. The best was yet to come, as apparently the Synod is being hijacked and there is an ongoing battle for control while Pope Francis who was always good for an off the cuff remark to the press now remains stoically silent. Cardinal Kasper makes horrifically offensive statements about African, Asian, and Middle Eastern Catholics. Faithful Cardinals like Pell, Burke, and Napier are fervently defending the doctrine and the Catholic faith against progressive heresies instead of discussing real solutions for improving Catholic Families.

At this point, I do not see real solutions to bind families closer, prepare people for marriage, and heal wounded families. More importantly, I do not see that such solutions can come forward. They did not even make the agenda according to the discussion points. I am saddened that such a wonderful opportunity was lost to anti-doctrinal political machinations which only damaged the faith and brought scandal on the church.

Pray for the Catholic Church,  pray early and often.
Then take one or more items from my list that you agree with to your pastor or make up your own, and ask your pastor to prayerfully consider implementing them under the principle subsidiarity. Good and workable ideas will shine through, and if they are repeatable they will spread on their own. Maybe while the Cardinals are still duking it out in the synod next year we can actually already have some viable solutions in place for the real problems families face. Solutions that don’t contradict infallible doctrine.

Pax Christi,

Colin

 

 

Human Sacrifice is Alive and Well

1 Jul

01_22

 

It’s not a baby, its a “Clump of Cells” according to the liberal left. This baby was a human being that was sacrificed on the altar of:

  • Financial Security
  • Greed
  • Convenience
  • Career
  • Education
  • Adultery/Infidelity
  • Fornication
  • Fear
  • Irresponsibility

I could go on – but in short, this Baby was a human sacrifice. Murdered to obtain something of comfort or value in this life at the price of an unthinkable sin against God. We all know murder is wrong – so we tell ourselves it’s not a person. Look closely at the picture above and tell me that’s not a baby. Tell me it’s a clump of random cells in a blob. Yeah, that’s what I thought – It’s a baby human. A gift from God and some mother to whose care it was entrusted murdered it before it was born. This is how far our society has fallen.

To give you an idea how far that fall is we need to examine Roman law that protected the unborn and made abortion illegal. They recognized the innocence of the unborn child and would not even execute a pregnant women. These people had zero respect for life in general and meted out death in a public manner and on a grand scale. They thought up amazing ways to kill people, especially focusing on how to keep them from dying too quickly. Crucifixion comes to mind, since it was a penalty too brutal to use to execute a Roman citizen. They could still kill a citizen by beating him to death though. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out just how badly damaged our moral compass is.

When a woman murders her unborn child – she is sacrificing its life because of her mistake or to make life easier for her in some way. We live in a society where we charge people with crimes for spanking children but we harbor criminals who participate or facilitate human sacrifice through abortions.  When a child with issues like down syndrome is murdered, it is not really concern for the child – it is concern for the time, effort, lifestyle changes, and fiscal costs necessary to care for that child. Let us not fool ourselves any further – dishonesty just compounds the evil.

Women need these fairy tales about how it’s just a clump of cells (No wonder Planned Parenthood doesn’t want women to see their babies on an ultrasound machine first!) to go through the sacrifice without going mad. Men should be ashamed of themselves. They need to start taking full responsibility. Don’t have premarital sex. If you do make sure it is with a woman you are willing to take to wife – because the very second conception occurs your life is forever changed. You now have an obligation to provide and care for that mother and child over any personal aspirations you may have had. To provide a home and family. Men used to be expected to marry young ladies they left in a family way – and treat them as sacramental marriage requires. The pregnancy alone is proof of strong chemistry – and true love develops over time anyway. Now so many men push the women to have abortions with threats and coercion, and failing those being efficacious – use any wrangling they can to get out of supporting their offspring.

The worst part is that those men push Human Sacrifice on the mothers for the same reasons listed above. Then to compound their sin, they induce others to sin. The family is the basis of civilization. Take the chivalrous path, let duty, honor, and sacrifice be things we once again admire. Let women choose young men more wisely making moral character the key quality they seek. Let women practice the Lysistrata defense and demand sacramental marriage prior to coitus. If a man will not make a commitment and wait, then he is not worthy of her anyway.

Stop the Human Sacrifice – you are bartering for things that do not matter (you cannot take them with you when you die – nor will they be your epitaph) and you are trading the most precious gift God bestows. Only one entity would encourage such a bargain – have you ever considered that in performing the Human Sacrifice of your child one might stop and ask themselves “Whom does this serve?” I guarantee “God” will not be the answer.

When the Obamacare demanded Catholic business owners and other persons of moral conscience not only support, but to personally fund this human sacrifice – they went off the reservation. Thanks be to God for the Supreme Court providing a moral compass. Mind you this does not stop all abortions – it just stops Catholics and others with similar religious convictions from having to pay for them. It’s the first step in the right direction in a long time.

Pax  Christi,

Colin

 

 

Open Letter to Senators Vitter and Landrieu

7 Feb

Eucharistic Adoration

Senators David Vitter & Mary Landrieu,

I would like to draw your attention to this issue. It would seem that the values of the UN and our Constitution are in juxtaposition. The very foundation of our country is under attack by the new UN world government, which attacks our second amendments rights – compounded by an executive branch that signed the treaty knowing congress could never ratify it.

http://www.lifenews.com/2014/02/05/vatican-blasts-un-panel-demanding-it-change-its-position-against-abortion/

Feeling empowered by this, and using the Catholic Sexual Abuse scandal as a very flimsy and thin guise, they have set out to attempt to direct a religion to modify it’s beliefs to conform to their will. This is in blatant violation of our 1st Amendment rights. It is unthinkable for America or any other government to order a Church which had stood firmly on these foundations for over 2000 years that in order to comply with the new social order being forcibly mandated, they must Change Doctrine and Dogma (something the Church cannot do, even if they wanted to). All done in order to eliminate or reverse the church teachings on Abortion, Divorce and Remarriage, Fornication, Birth Control, Families, Homsexual Sex, and Homosexual Unions. I feel sickened that our government can participate in such a body with no respect for individual rights or freedoms to disagree and pursue a tried and true moral path. This same Institution which has told all the governmental entities before the UN, and it will tell all the ones after the UN, but right now it is telling the UN  – emphatically “NO!”

Make no mistake – it is tyranny when a governmental body starts dictating what doctrine a Church can hold.

I urge you in the strongest terms to take whatever measures are still open to you in our eroded democracy. To subvert the misguided executive power of the pen, the appointment, the executive order, the unratified treaty signing, and the phone – and to put an immediate stop to this by sponsoring a binding US Senate resolution supporting the right of the Catholic Church to maintain their religious and moral values, regardless of popular culture or pop-psychology. In addition, the resolution should condemn the UN body for attempting to impede the free practice of Catholicism – the worlds largest Christian Denomination.

Thank You and I will be praying for you,
Colin
https://catholichusband.wordpress.com

PS: Please share and tag your senators in this post! A Viral response will make it hard to ignore.

Living Faith

21 Jan

Sainte_therese_de_lisieux

Living your faith is something which fewer and fewer of us are doing today. We continually make compromises in our lives and place other things before God. I know, I know – not you right? I used to think so too – I’m still working on fixing it to this day. But seriously, when we fail to live our faith publicly it’s like lighting a candle then covering it a black box so nobody can see it. Faith is not something you practice just on sundays for 45 mins, maybe longer if the priest in long-winded in his homily. Faith is meant to be LIVED and not PRACTICED. Catholicism most especially, is meant to be integrated into our everyday life, in our homes, in our jobs, at the market, in every single thing we do each day.

This does not mean that we carry a bible, wear a honkin’ crucifix, sling a rosary through our belt and wander the streets admonishing sinners. Rather, this means we do the exact opposite. St. Francis said to “Preach the Gospel always, use words when necessary”. This important because we live our faith through our actions, not our words. Modesty is always good. That bible toting routine is not modest – the little rabbit foo foo method of spreading the gospel (by banging people eon the head with it) is not the answer. More importantly, this change is about you and not them. This is about change on the inside more than the outside. It’s a challenge with some fantastic rewards, even if you never get there but just keep trying.

We start with the small things. St. Therese said to do little things with great love. Little things are easier. You can pick just a few and start there, and then expand. You can do them while: preparing a meal, disciplining a child, dealing with a coworker, showing compassion for a stranger, performing your job, cleaning the house, even choosing groceries, or interacting with your spouse. You see those little things form the foundation for the big things. If you can’t take a little step successfully, then how can you expect to make a huge leap? Nobody expects you to be perfect, just to try to do everything with great love – nothing more. It is that conscious effort to do things with great love that is so powerful, and perspective changing. You’ll probably start feeling happier and more content in general after a relatively short time. This is the part where you discover the joy of serving God by serving others.

Next work on the moral conflicts in your life. Anytime you find yourself reasoning out why breaking a small moral rule is alright – STOP RIGHT THERE. Recognize that you are rationalizing it. Then reconcile the fact that you cannot be faithful in big things until you have learned to be faithful in small ones. This can mean many things for many people. Some examples to get you stated are lying, cheating, stealing, imagined adultery, even skipping church on Sunday so you can make a ball game. What are you saying to your children if you do that? That ball games are more important than God? Teach them instead to get up extra early for mass, or attend the vigil the night before. Show them that God comes first, your example will drive their own understanding of the faith – make it a good one. You’ll be amazed at the difference it will make in your faith as well.

You’ll find as you focus on the small things the bigger things seem to fall into place on their own. You’ll be amazed at the difference it will make when you make a conscious effort to do things for your wife with great love, not to just do them. Pretty soon you’ll find yourself doing everything for her with great love, when she sees your example and follows you in this practice it will fundamentally change your relationship for the better. It will improve your performance at work, your interactions with others, your compassion, your faith, and most importantly your happiness.

Yours in Christ,

Colin

This High Price of Artificial Birth Control

18 Dec

Nuvaring_with_quarter

Let me ask you a question, and let’s be honest with the answer. Is it worth risking the life of your wife or even paramour (if not married) to artificially prevent contraception?

Think on that. We’ll get back to it.

The Catholic Church has made it’s ban on artificial contraception as infallible doctrine. It is not subject to change or revision. Many people are angered by this, but what they really should be angered by is the number of women dying of breast cancer because of the hormone based contraceptives, the number of women having strokes because of the hormone based contraceptives, the number of heart attacks women suffer from hormone based contraceptives, among other things. These are not just happening to older women.

I know, now you want to tell me how much safer newer contraceptives are – like say Nuvaring?

I was hoping you’d go there. Before you muddle on any further in your thoughts – you need to read this article in Vanity Fair magazine (Don’t worry there are lots more out there from other media outlets).

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/2014/01/nuvaring-lethal-contraceptive-trial

Now that you’re finished reading, I want you to honestly answer the initial question about whether or not the ability to make free with your wife, like she was made of rubber and inflatable, without fearing conception is worth putting her at such risk? You see somebody needs to explain to me the kind of love and/or marriage that allows for one person’s wants or needs to overpower the health and welfare of the person they supposedly love. I’ve already written about my own struggle with the Church teaching on NFP – it’s a popular read and if you’re not already familiar it’s here. Do your own research on the side effects of the pill, nuvaring, hormone infused IUD’s, and recoil in horror as I did. Forget the Pink Ribbons and “Save the TATA’s” slogans – if you want to protect your wife from such horrors, get rid of those hormone laced pills, shots, and devices. There are fantastic benefits to doing so it you do – for you as well as her.

Sex, Intimacy, and NFP

I would like to think, that with a little common sense and some gentle introspection most rational people can stop rationalizing what they personally want long enough to see the truth. Artificial Birth Control HARMS and  KILLS WOMEN. It also lowers libido and can cause weight gain and depression, among other non-lethal side effects, which is often treated with more dangerous hormones and just leaves your sex life in a downward spiral. Is this something you would subject a woman you love with all your heart to, just so that you can have sex with her on command and avoid conception?

If you just answered “Yes” then you don’t understand what love really is.

If you just answered “No” then I would ask you – What are you going to do about it?

Yours in Christ,

Colin

How Being Catholic is Like Being Married

25 Sep

Holy Family icon

In many ways being Catholic is analogous to being married and from the looks of the things I see around me with my own eyes, we are terrible spouses.  Oh, I see. You think this is a terrible analogy. Right? Well then consider this – when you were confirmed you accepted a sacrament (just as matrimony is a sacrament) of your own free will that bound you to the Catholic Church.  You accepted that sacrament with full knowledge of the Catechism which outlines the beliefs of the church. You asserted that you shared and would do your best to abide by those beliefs and teachings. Just like marriage where you enter the sacrament of your own free will, and agree to abide by Church teachings on your marital responsibilities like being faithful, open to life, and committing to a single spouse for life.

Somewhere along the way so very many have wandered off the path…

In the end, if we don’t respect our own faith and beliefs, how can we expect others to respect our faith and beliefs? I cringed when Obama argued that the Catholic stance on Birth Control being part of Obamacare was irrelevant because no matter what the Church said 93% of US Catholics admitted to using it anyway. I was humiliated at the thought that just because the vast majority of US Catholics were in mortal sin but rationalized it away, and Obama was using our own sin as an argument to degrade and humiliate a core belief of our faith. It would be ok if I could see that people understood that by nonchalantly committing mortal sin openly (even proudly) they were attacking the Church, and thereby God. A good description of such people might be the “Formosan Termites” of the faith, because they rapidly eat out the foundations and load bearing members of a structure until it collapses from the inside. I keep hoping that if more of us will stand up on the Catechism publicly it will become socially unpopular to either do or profess heretical beliefs and lead to a wave of social change back to the church for those so inclined or away from the church for those who cannot or will not accept its core beliefs.

As Pope Francis said – it not just about Abortion, or homosexual copulation, or contraception. We cannot allow ourselves to be hung up on single issues. These are hot buttons for sure in America, but we must instead embrace all of the Catechism with our whole hearts and live our faith in both our public and private lives. This means teachings on fasting on Fridays or substituting an alternate penance all the way to teachings on the Death Penalty and Social Justice which must also be observed. If you own a business this means that you must run it according to the Catechism. If we can be faithful in the small things, then the large things will seem ever so much smaller because our faith will begin to lift us up and over those obstacles.

Maybe I’m missing something, but it seems to me that a large number of american Catholics are divorced, or at the very least separated and involved in external adulterous affairs in regard to their bond with the Catholic Church who is waiting with open arms for them to come back. Lets hope our brothers and sisters in Christ can be rounded up before they wander and bleat their way off a cliff.

By all means – please comment if you agree or disagree.

Colin

Sex Every Day for a Year!

11 Sep

download

WARNING: This post contains subject matter suited only to married couples. I’m interested in my readers thoughts on this one (especially those of the Catholic clergy, or those that have tried and succeeded or failed trying this). For me this is a thought experiment only, where I’m working through all the pros and cons and researching aspects of it in the Cathechism (as the author is a Baptist apparently). Confidential submissions/reports will be kept so and can be sent to cc70458@gmail.com

I had heard of this a while back, http://www.amazon.com/365-Nights-Intimacy-Charla-Muller/dp/0425222578, when the book was being promoted. It’s hit the news again recently on CNN too.  Seems a couple made a splash announcing their success at completing the program and decided to interview on national television. Warning book spoiler – A wife makes “sex every day for an entire year” a gift to her husband for his 40th birthday, then writes a bestseller from the diary she kept on her effort. She also keeps an ongoing Blog here on WordPress (http://charlamuller.wordpress.com/) that details what follows that rather large experiment.

Some of my initial thoughts on this are:

  • A year is a very long time. I would think making it a whole month might be a reasonable while very challenging goal
  • The author of the book gave this to her husband as a GIFT, as all sexual relations in a marriage should be given in that spirit. I suspect that to make it through any period of time each would be in a position of truly making a gift to the other of themselves, possibly for the first time in their marriage as physical gratification gives way to emotional gratification as the primary driver
  • The author made a big deal of effective birth control. As a Catholic, pregnancy is pretty darned likely under these circumstances. Birth Control is RIGHT OUT – So this is a great challenge if you are hoping to have children, but not so practical for those who are not open to life.
  • Performing on command can be equally difficult for both spouses, men too after the first week or two (just being honest here). This will probably mean that both spouses will have to find ways to build the desire in each other up each day through looks, touches, calls, notes, etc…
  • I cannot argue with the underlying premise, that an accelerated level of sexual coupling will have rather dramatic effects on the sacrament of marriage if the marriage is stable, but if it is unstable it could also be the catalyst for the demise of the sacramental bond
  • It can take lust out of the equation over time – letting people explore love and intimacy without raging hormones dictating words or actions
  • It can be a huge learning experience for both parties about themselves and each other as pretenses are dropped and honesty is injected into the lovemaking process about our likes, dislikes, and feelings about sex
  • It does force a habit of making time to be intimate with each other, and keeps people thinking about how to fulfill the commitment each day
  • It poses a risk of resentment when either party learns enough about the other that they no longer see submission and participation as the same thing. If either party realizes that the other is regularly just submitting it can be either very educational or very damaging to the marriage depending on the real reason
  • It can have positive effects of encouraging spontaneity and enable people to learn to enjoy their spouses pleasure and excitement as much or more than your own, learning to sacrifice yourself joyfully is key to marriage in general for both spouses. Its not that you have to necessarily want the sex itself, so much as you necessarily have to want to be emotionally close and bring joy to another (husband or wife). If you just want to get it over with before your gum looses flavor it’s going to have a detrimental effect

While I can see the potential good, I fear the potential emotional and spiritual damage many could be exposed to as the barriers so carefully erected to preserve their true feelings about the marital embrace and their spouse will be eroded away not like a sand castle washed away by an incoming tide, but instead destroyed by a tidal wave. While washing away those barriers is not necessarily bad, if we are not willing to accept what we learn in a loving and constructive manner and do something to fix it then disaster looms. This can be much harder when it happens very quickly. Our emotions often run very high and close to the surface when it comes to sex, and when humans get emotional they often say exactly what they mean in the worst possible and least constructive manner. Here thar be Dragons…

The honest truth is that I want my wife to be with me intimately not because she is obligated to by a promise or a vow, but because she wants to and can think of nowhere in the world she would rather be physically or emotionally. After almost 22 years of marriage this conviction has only gotten stronger over time. Anything forced from within or without, I fear would do more harm than good – no matter who does the forcing.

Food for thought,

Colin

Impediments to Embracing Catholicism

27 Aug

Buddy_christ

So many seem so lost and confused about the faith today. I’ll call a spade a spade, say the unpopular,  and attribute it to poor catechesis and an overly permissive clergy and catechists who have allowed a few bad apples more concerned with “butts in the seats” than the truth to run with the ball. Take this for example before you get your shorts all in a bunch about my thoughts.  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23473169

The job of the Catholic Church is to lead you to Heaven, not to coddle you and make you feel good. Sometimes that means telling you uncomfortable truths and rebuking you for heretical beliefs, gently sometimes – but firmly always. God is my father, not my “Buddy”, and to think of him otherwise demeans both Him and our relationship.

Here are some of the most common issues people struggle with. If you answer “Yes” to any questions below immediately consult the Catechism and keep reading and rereading all the references until you understand – understanding is at the root of believing. Keep questioning and investigating your Catholic faith. I have, and the more I learn the more I find that the faith comforting rather than conflicting. It also becomes easier to trust, and surrender to yourself to God and his will as expressed through the magisterium.

  • Faith – Are you struggling with submission to God? Do you still believe some things, but not all of what the church teaches as required beliefs? Do you avoid the confessional at all costs? Have you participated in any way in an invalid sacrament (such as a wedding involving a divorcee who does not have an annulment)?
  • Sex & Marriage – Do you think that the sexual morality taught by the church is out of touch with reality? Do you think the Church is morally “out of date”? Do you support Gay Marriage? Do you think that Divorce is OK? If you are married do you use artificial contraception?
  • Sin – Do you have trouble accepting that which the church defines as sin? Do you have issues believing that sin creates a barrier between yourself and God? Do you think that the Church needs to revise what it defines as sinful to keep up with modern standards? Do you doubt the efficaciousness of confession?
  • Real Presence – Do you not believe in the literal real presence of Christ in the eucharist or believe it a symbolic only? Have you ever received the Eucharist with unconfessed mortal sin?
  • Infallibility – Do you think that the Pope is infallible in all things? Do you truly understand how limited and tenuous the thread of instability is?

To be honest NFP was the biggie for me. I was adamant about not letting the church dictate my sex life. It made me angry, it frustrated me, and in the end it changed me. Learning the church was right and understanding why in a very personal way very much put the whole issue of obedience into perspective. It is only when we have humbled ourselves that we can truly learn and grow in faith. You can read about that experience here:  https://catholichusband.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/sex-intimacy-and-nfp/

Remember that faith is a work in progress, not a destination. We will all fall and falter. The important thing is to pick yourself up and keep pressing towards a goal you will only attain when this life has ended. Never let doubts or hesitation keep you down – root out heresy and disinformation in your faith and stay the straight and narrow path.

Godspeed on your journey,

Colin

The Hard Truth of Contraception and Abortion

16 Aug

sauppe_pic2-240x336

The picture above is Fr. Timothy Sauppé, S.T.L. is pastor of St. Mary’s Church, Westville, Illinois, in the Diocese of Peoria. He wrote an article you really need to read.  It addresses the heart and soul of the Catholic Church and the next time someone tries to tell you that their marital choices aren’t affecting other people, or that  it’s none of God’s business – direct them to his article (or mine if you’re feeling generous). Contraception and Abortion are destroying the body of the Catholic Church, it is wasting away like that poor hamster your 7 year old can’t seem to remember to feed. Very literally, what you do to HIM you do to yourself, and if this article does not help you see the hurt you are inflicting on the Church, or if you are one of those many selfish cafeteria Catholics, then you may be beyond any compassionate outreach.

He opens like this:

June 24, 2013 (LifeSiteNews.com) – A stranger came into the sacristy after Sunday Mass. In an incriminating huff he said, “I have been away from the area for fifteen years; where are the people? And now you are tearing down the school? I went there as a kid.”

I put my hands up to quiet him from further talking and I calmly said, “Let me ask you a question: How many kids did you have?” He said, “Two.” Then I said, “So did everyone else. When you only have two kids per family there is no growth.” His demeanor changed, and then he dropped his head and said, “And they aren’t even going to Mass anymore.”

Go here to read the rest:  http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/priest-youve-contracepted-our-parochial-school-out-of-existence/

Yours with Prayerful Meditation,

Colin

Catholic Sexuality and the Marital Embrace

12 Aug

The Catechism of the Catholic Church

The Catechism of the Catholic Church

There is nothing in the world more contentious among Catholics themselves than what is permissible in their bedrooms by their religion. While the Catechism is fairly clear on this issue (and the Catechism represents that which must be followed and believed), many follow a variety of philosophies. These range from what I call the “Augustinian” view that sex is only for procreation and nothing more, only in one set position, and God forbid the woman actually enjoy it because an orgasm for her is a sin – all the way to the “Progressive/Rationalist” view, that what happens between consenting adults in their own bedroom is none of the Church’s or God’s business and basically anything goes.

The truth is a fair distance from each philosophy and it is clearly laid out in the Catechism (read it here for yourself  http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm). No matter who you ask you will get different answers on what is acceptable and what is not (trust me, I’ve asked priests and never gotten the same answer twice). The answers are in the Catechism for those who will take a moment to read it, and greatly expounded upon in the series of sermons that make up the Theology of The Body.

The “Augustinian” view is derived primarily from the writings of St. Augustine who though a Doctor of the Church and very wise did not write with infallibility, nor do his writings and recommendations constitute Dogma, nor Canon Law. Due to Augustine’s rather debauched early life and his need to reject his own sensuality, as he wrote in “Confessions” which is still widely read today, his harsh recommendations were his prescription for combating the lust and sin so prevalent in his earlier life which of which he was extremely averse. In paragraphs 2360-2363 of the Catechism it is made clear that sex is for bonding a couple, bring joy a pleasure as a gift from each to the other, and that it must always remain chaste and open to life. There are no prohibitions on positions, or frequency – but there are prohibitions on using your partner solely for your physical gratification. In remaining open to life and chaste, marital sex must be performed with no barriers to contraception and only with the person to whom we are sacramentally bonded in marriage.

The “Progressive/Rationalist” view throws the Catechism out the window. People tell themselves that anything they want to do with their partner is OK regardless of whether it fits in the context of sacramental marriage. Masterbation, trying to avoid pregnancy by pulling out early, bringing other partners into your bed, and using your spouse for relief instead of in a mutual giving where both of you give the other a gift of themselves and the other graciously receives it – are right out.

Sex in a Catholic Marriage is a chaste expression of love, the giving of a gift of oneself to another and receiving that gift in return. We men especially, often fail here to recognize that 30 seconds of foreplay and 10 seconds of thrusting, followed by 8 hours of snoring does not constitute a gift to our wives. Such crude behaviour masquerading as marital intimacy only breeds resentment, distrust, and unhappiness in the recipient of your “gift” who you just treated like a common whore, or inflatable female facsimile. The marital embrace should always be open to life and a spiritually bonding experience for the loving couple. This does not mean that a quickie in the morning as a gift from your wife is wrong, so long as it is a gift freely given and not demanded. Such gifts are much more likely to occur if there is a whole-hearted attempt to return that gift at an appropriate time and place when you can focus yourself on returning that gift rather than your own gratification.

Exercised in the proper context and within the principles of the Catechism, the marital embrace can bring Husband and Wife both to new levels of both pleasure and intimacy – bonding them inseparably in the process. Outside the confines of the Catechism, sex becomes the greatest  weapon in damaging relationships that there is. Infidelity, using your wife as a receptacle for your lust, and making demands instead of accepting gifts do more to damage marriages than anything else I know of. Such actions destroy the trust and intimacy that is the basis for both Love and the sacramental marriage and hurt both parties physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you have concerns about a particular issue, then open the link to the Catechism above and see if it qualifies there as well as being loving gift to your spouse which is open to life. Ask yourself if you are having to apply pressure to your spouse. Even fearing your anger, disappointment, or disapproval will constitute an inability on her part to give herself freely to you. Take the time to learn each other both physically and emotionally and let your wife surprise you with her gifts. I assure you, a woman in love can be more creative than you can imagine in your wildest fantasy when she wants to please you. You should be setting an example for her to follow.

I know this post will likely produce a plethora of comments and additional questions, I welcome all of them – but ask that you keep them civil and polite.

Colin

What to Expect when #5 Comes Along

9 Aug

Pregnant

First of all – this is reblogged with permission from the friend who wrote it. She is expecting number 5 and is catching the wave of popular public interest. I know this drill all too well as my wife and I have only 4 and even just having the youngest 3 in tow in the supermarket checkout often generates stupid questions and ignorant comments. Anyone with a large family will identify, and those expecting one – brace for impact.

She has managed to couch in humor something very serious – I’ll start you with this:

“Here, let me just answer all the questions and save folks the trouble of asking. I want to spare you the trouble, and also spare you the dirty looks you’ll get, plus the tone of voice, and sharp responses of which I’m capable of providing. Because like I said: It’s lame, and it does nothing to entertain me. And it’s just not funny. I’m easily amused, but the same questions just don’t do it for me. Step up your game already. Be original and humorous. Give me something I haven’t already heard.

Are you ready for it? Here goes:

1. Yes, we know what causes it. We’ve had 21 years of practice. We’re damn good at it. We like it. We’re married to each other, so we’re SUPPOSED to be doing it with each other, not someone else. It’s not wrong to actually LIKE your spouse. We’ve worked a lot of years to get where we are, and we like where we are. Don’t be jealous that you can’t get in on our party, ok? Just go get your own.

2. Yes, we have tv, cable, dvd’s, etc and we utilize them. We actually have multiples of each. Oh, ANNNND we have computers with internet access, plus smartphones. We have friends. We have access to entertainment. And we have access to each other – you know like I said up there^ in that spousal thing.

3. Yes, *I* am Catholic, but my husband is not. Our inter-faith marriage is always a work in progress, and we don’t follow any one strict tenet versus another. Ours is an interesting dance of sorts, melded together the last 21 years with a lot of compromise after a lot of trial and error. Apparently, I’m a better Catholic than I thought I was, though. And apparently, I’m the kind of Catholic girl the Southern Baptist boys like. Take that as you will.

4. Yes, we’ve heard of birth control, and condoms, and at some points, we HAVE utilized a variety of all of them. I don’t have to share this topic with anyone outside of my husband, I am not going to share the details of why, how, etc of what we do in that regard. I don’t say a word about your decision to do permanent sterilization, hormonal birth control, barrier methods, etc. Be respectful of what we do, just like I’m respectful of what you do. In short, I stay out of your uterus, you stay out of mine.

5. Yes, everything OBVIOUSLY functions just normally, nothing is broken, so please tell me what is there to fix?

6. Yes, I have my hands full. I have a head and heart full too. The van is full. The house is full. The garage is full too. Our lives are full. How is yours? Is it full of good stuff or just junk and drama and crap?

There are people who completely ache and pay lots of money to ATTEMPT to even get a tenth of what we have. I’m truly and completely blessed, while my heart breaks for those who long for the simplest part of my life, and some may never have it. Don’t tell me the obvious, because somewhere in earshot of your comment is someone else who you’re insulting in the opposite manner, by reminding them of their empty hearts and arms. And there are those who have suffered the losses of 4, 5, even 8, or 12, or more babies and pregnancies. They are so grateful to have a baby make it into this world, while forever mourning the loss of those who grew wings before seeing light of day. They happily bring as many into this world as they humanly can. It hurts and it stings and it drives the knives deeper, while you twist them. Do you still feel brilliant saying that one?

7. No, I don’t know how YOU do it with just one, or two. Seriously, I need balance in my life, and I need my own interests and hobbies. I don’t know how you can helicopter- and lawnmower-parent a completely normal child who has zero no neuro-challenges and come out the other side with your dignity and sanity intact, or theirs for that matter. I delegate stuff to the kids to do, as they become independent and capable enough to handle things. I’ve blogged about that before. Simply put, it’s my job to create independent people who can function outside of me, and handle the hiccups of life. I have my own interests because one day those buggers will fly the nest and I don’t want to be that mother-in-law that gets ranted about on the internet. I want my children and their families to feel like I respect their adulthood, and parenthood, and I will do my best to allow that by knowing my place in their world and not encroaching where I do not belong. I blessedly have a fair selection of wise in-laws who may not agree with how we do things, but they know it’s not their family or household.

8. No, I didn’t realize that we didn’t need to have any more kids. Thank you for telling me that. I didn’t realize I was still 6, and asking for a second dessert an hour before bedtime. Last I checked, we are well beyond age 18, and still married to the same person after all these years. If I have my wits about me, we have kids who are 20 and almost 19. So unless there’s some strange science or miracle, I think we are qualified to decide what my husband and I need, or don’t need. I think your words simply speak of your own insecurities, and lack of time spent with us and getting to know us sufficiently. We are raising our kids in a manner that rivals most any other way modern parents do nowadays, and we’ve got one who was trained for management at his job as soon as he graduated high school, and another about to head off to MCRD Parris Island for boot camp. The Marines don’t take *just* anybody. Our oldest daughter has life skills her peers can’t fathom, and a perspective they won’t achieve till they’re much older. Our preschooler is articulate, funny, well-adjusted and capable of handling things kids her age still have a tantrum over happening, and she’s fiercely independent. But they’re still capable of being kids. We haven’t robbed them of anything. We’ve sacrificed our own self-serving desires to give them what they need. We have indulged in some things, because we need balance and they need to see us doing our own thing, chasing our own goals and dreams, and they need to see us sacrifice for the greater good or to achieve those goals. Despite the fact that I’m running headlong toward 40, and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, either.

9. Yes, they were all surprises. No, we didn’t plan or try for any of them. They were all not in our radar at the times they appeared on it, and now we can’t imagine that radar without them there. Then they brought friends to the party, who we mistreat just the same as we do our own. I have birthed and borrowed children, and never imagined this many people would call me Mom. I’m just glad I didn’t have to change all of THEIR diapers, or potty train them.

10. No, we don’t know if we’re done yet. We thought we were done with the last 5. No, we don’t know if we’ll have any more. Every time we have thought “done” and laid plans of our own, another mini human comes along and mucks up the plans. But it’s cool. We make pretty babies with brains and a sense of humor. And they think it’s pretty neat that mom & dad ride motorcycles. Well, dad does, mom’s just good at dropping them and then getting pregnant again.

One other side note about the variations of these questions: Again, when you’re asking a parent of one, or ten, about the number of kids, you’re insulting them. And the ones who only have one or two who like previously mentioned, utterly ACHE for more kids and can’t attain that are once again stabbed by your words. Why must you be so intrusive? Don’t be offended if one of us snaps back with “Why? were you looking to hire me as your surrogate, because I don’t know if I’m the one you want doing that. I might not want to give up a child to be raised by twits like you.”

11. No, I’m not easily offended. I married a Marine and had a bunch of children with him. When you have that combination, you recognize when God laughs at you (in my case, it’s almost daily since the early 1990s), and you learn to live by that other Marine motto: Semper Gumby. If you think you can offend me, you can, but it requires extreme stupidity, lack of consideration and forethought, no sense of humor, and downright intrusive and demeaning foolishness. I am not sure you want to test the mettle of this Feisty Irish Wench. Some of the things slung at me verbally by strangers, meant to offend, really didn’t do that. I’ve survived a number of things, including two teens at once – and one was a daily test of my faith and ovarian fortitude. I have reasonably thick skin, and some of you will be lucky I don’t have him with me when you open your mouth.

So, please, I absolutely encourage you to get creative when you see me or my larger-family cohorts. Ask us something we have NOT already been asked. Or for poops n giggles, maybe say something encouraging to the mom whose day is shot because of that series of wackadoodle events instead of “well you chose to have that many”. Yep, we ultimately did. Someone has to combat the stupidity of the world, and it may as well be us, because YOU are sucking at it.”

And encourage you to take a moment and read the rest here: http://feistyirishwench.blogspot.com/2013/08/originality-and-humor.html

Remember being hateful and hurtful never helped anyone, and whatsoever you do to the least of his pregnant people – that you do unto Him DOUBLE.

Many thanks to “FeistyIrishWench” for letting me reblog her post!

Colin

The Rationale of the Pro-Abortion Movement

10 Jul

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Alrighty then!!!

Now follows something I never thought I would do. I am going to re-blog the opposition. Why would I do this you ask? It’s simple, after reading their rationale for abortion I came to the conclusion that none of them took a single course in classical humanities. I’m going to call this the “Lysistrata defense” after a play by Aristophanes. I’ve never been so shocked at how far we were gone as a society before.

Read this from The Burnt Orange Report:

“For those of us guys who like girls — you know, like them like them — and want to have relationships with them that may last anywhere from a few minutes to many years, we need to think about how this bill, by curtailing the bodily autonomy and sexual freedom of women, hurts us, too. We need to stand with women in their fight to control their own bodies.

How #HB2 Hurts Straight Texas Men

Your girlfriend’s/wife’s life will be in danger. Making abortion inaccessible for millions of Texas women is going to put them in danger if they ever need to terminate a pregnancy. Black markets for unsafe abortions will emerge, and women will be pushed into potentially fatal back-alley abortions. That’s your girlfriend’s life we’re talking about.

Your freedom to choose is at stake, too. While it is ultimately a woman’s choice whether to have an abortion, many women choose to make that decision with the man involved. Do you want that decision ready-made for you by politicians in state government? Not if you value freedom, you don’t.

You want to decide when and if to have kids. This bill will force thousands of Texas men into unplanned fatherhood by making it impossible for women to access an abortion in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. Even if you want to have kids, you probably don’t want an accident to make you a father before you’re psychologically ready and able to care for a child. If you don’t want kids, you don’t want the narrow, personal views of politicians in the state government to force you to have them.

Your sex life is at stake. Can you think of anything that kills the vibe faster than a woman fearing a back-alley abortion? Making abortion essentially inaccessible in Texas will add an anxiety to sex that will drastically undercut its joys. And don’t be surprised if casual sex outside of relationships becomes far more difficult to come by.
It’s clear: if the Legislature basically takes away a Texas woman’s right to choose, having sex becomes a much, much riskier proposition for women and men.

It becomes much, much riskier for women who currently count on access to safe, legal abortion because now an accidental pregnancy could mean death or serious infection. It also becomes riskier for us men, who may well end up fathers well before we intend.

Almost half of all pregnancies are unplanned and unintended. Of those, over 40% currently end in abortion. What happens to those 40% if this law passes? Are you willing to roll the dice with your girlfriend’s health and safety?

So, my fellow men, listen up. We need to stand with our Texas women in this fight: for our sisters, mothers, friends, girlfriends, and wives, so that they can have the freedom to control their bodies.”

If you can stomach further reading, need a few laughs, just want to see for yourself that someone actually posted tripe of that ilk, or just want to leave the original author a thank you note for being so helpful in making my point about how contraception and abortion degrade women then click here.

If you that that was sad and funny at the same time then check out their follow up here.

Yours in Christ,

Colin Corcoran

cc70458@gmail.com

**Please feel free to write or comment on this post, I’d really like to hear from those that are able to have this experience and how it is changing their marriage, their wives, their lives, and their perspective on the Catholic faith.

Monogamy or Monotony – It’s up to you…

22 Jun

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I read a very disturbing article on CNN today, and another on the Huffington Post, about monogamy being unnatural, it compares mankind to other animals and tries to justify immoral behavior by arguing that we are simple creatures among creation and are only driven by instinct and untouched by God with a special gift – free will. However, no other animal bears live young so helpless and dependent for so long a time as humans, in this we are unique; this dependence requires long term commitment and cooperation for the offspring to survive and thrive. This alone could explain why we need monogamy. We can choose a path other than instinct, and that one small thing is responsible for all that is good and noble in this world. We were given this gift primarily so that we could choose to love God, choose to abide in his plan, and choose to follow the path to true happiness which he has laid out for us.

Satan laces the path with all manner of distractions, all of which seem designed to trap us by leveraging our instinct to make us into nothing more than talking pigs with a poor sense of fashion. Greed, lust, avarice, envy, and more are around us always. We are tempted by Satan to succumb, in essence to sell our souls for the baubles and trinkets of instinctual gratification which provide only a hollow sustenance, from which a vicious addiction forms and our souls are blackened before judgement. Don’t allow yourself into thinking that the ability to have entanglement free sex is raising women up or freeing them, it does not. It lowers them to the level of sexual playthings for men, frees the father of responsibility for assisting with the offspring, and allows the father to impregnate as many women as possible – creating offspring he cannot hope to support or assist with. The women are left holding the bag, raising the child or children alone, and our society crumbles. Degrading ever more with each woman whose husband treats her this way, or who chooses this sad and tumultuous path on the advice of misguided and yet vocal individuals. Yet, there are those who mistakenly call this “enlightenment”‘, “progress”, and “women’s liberation”.

A woman should never fool herself into thinking she is truly empowered because she gives away sexual gratification liberally. Those men she services do not love or respect her and they would never take her home to the family or consider marriage. They forget quickly after climax and seek new conquests. When it comes to commitment, men want a partner they can trust, who they can see as a mother to their children and not sloppy seconds or thirds from a plaything passed around the community like a party favor. The worst part is that as men’s attitudes toward women have been changed for the worse by vocal women espousing their beliefs as pseudo-scientific fact by comparing apples and oranges and as they do men’s respect for women is generally diminished. How many hold the door for any lady, give up a bus seat, or offer to assist with obvious needs? Are not sexual assault and violence against women becoming more prevalent as the sense of entitlement to sexual gratification on demand and without strings sets in? Additionally, the mass media would have you believe true love involves hidden disco balls, bikinis, “dream weaver” playing in the background, and that it is always instantaneous – creating unrealistic expectations on both sides.

If you are a woman reading this and you consider yourself “sexually liberated”, know this – you are perishable and sometime around age 40 your expiration date comes up. Set aside after being traded in for a younger prettier model, you are likely to live out your remaining time alone, or with a male rejected by one or more previous women for good reason. You will have gained nothing of value: no children, no home, no husband, no true love, and none of the bonds of surety that those things entail in this life. You will also have inadvertently dragged other members of your sex down in the process.

Enough about that, lets talk about monogamy. So why is it that monogamy would be a problem? Truth be told, all women have the same basic equipment. Though they may vary somewhat in shape and size, the most important aspect of your sexual relationship with your wife is you mutual desire to bond more closely together and please each other while being open to life. While technical skill at lovemaking is important, it is best learned with and tailored to your spouse. Every woman is unique, and as a husband you need to focus on listening and paying attention to your wife. Not just what she says, but what she does not say – and not what “Mr. Winkie” is screaming in your ear. Try just once making love with your wife, and focusing every ounce of your attention and enthusiasm on her. Listen to her voice, breathe her in, feel her lips, touch her gently – explore her all of her, not just her erogenous zones. Slow down, savor the moment and do your best to give yourself over completely to serving her needs and desires both spoken and unspoken. You must be the servant and not the master, this is not about you – so lose yourself sharing the joy you are bringing to her and never assume that you thrusting, sweating, and grunting while squishing her beneath you is a gift from you to her, unless it is done at the right time in the right way. Otherwise that part is all about your physical gratification, so don’t fool yourself. Make sure she feels free to express her desires and fantasies without ridicule or dismissal. As a man, you know just how damaging it can be to express an interest and be told outright “when hell freezes”, or worse laughed at. I also know that the marital embrace for a woman is a deeply emotional experience you should be striving to share, and if you make her feel loved, wanted, desired, and fulfilled then her desire to return that gift knows no bounds. In the end she may discover her own unique ways to touch your body, heart, and soul beyond your wildest imaginings. Once you can do this for each other in the context of a deep emotionally bonding experience, plain old sex as you once knew it will be never again hold the same luster.

You see, the act of sex itself is never boring, but apathy, indifference and rejection are. Put yourself in her place and ask yourself how you might feel if your positions were reversed. If she feels that she’s always making a sacrifice for you, and receiving little to nothing in return then just imagine what it would do to your enthusiasm to be in her shoes. Quiet resignation, apathy, or even avoidance will eventually settle in – you’ll feel unloved and unwanted, blame her for being frigid, or worse suspect her faithfulness. How are you going to feel about it when she submits but her mind is elsewhere, or she shows no interest or active participation – if you are truly paying attention you might realize that she is enduring your advance and not enthusiastically welcoming it. Truth be known this condition is as contagious as any other shared emotion including joy. Soon you too will loose interest in her and then Satan can work in your marriage and provide the coup de gras for the condition. Loosing the bonds that bind you both, and victoriously destroying a sacrament in the process.

For those that choose the path of infidelity as a solution, the excitement and eagerness you seek are invariably temporary, something you may not realize until you have lost everything at Satan’s behest – you marriage, children, job, home, savings, etc… We have all seen too many people go down that road. You know exactly where it leads them and there is no easy return, and rarely is return even possible. It’s not just the betrayal of trust, and the decimated bonding that prevents healing. The feelings of anger and rejection can be insurmountable and lead the aggrieved party down a self-destructive path that will endanger their soul.

Lets be clear, things are always dependent on both partners. It’s up to you to set an example and take the lead as the husband. If you start by changing how you approach lovemaking so that rather than focusing on your needs as instincts would dictate, and instead focusing on her needs which go far beyond sex, then you will quickly find boredom impossible. Dispose of the birth control and use NFP, you have no idea how exciting sex can be until you remove the barriers between you. Unlike infidelity, this excitement never wains and it’s one you can share together. Lovemaking is a simmering pot you bring to a boil on occasion, so keep it simmering. Use your words and actions to remind her how you feel away from the bedroom and away from immediate sexual intention. Learn to enjoy a kiss, a gentle caress of a non-erogenous zone, or the glow she gets from being reminded how pretty you find her. She might surprise you once she feels comfortable doing so, by following your lead and keeping you simmering as well.

Learning to give is much easier than learning to receive, I suspect it is probably the hardest thing to accomplish for men. Allow her to learn your intimate needs and secrets and what you respond to without trying to make demands or give detailed instructions. You have to remember that just as your role is to serve her, so hers is also to serve you – so let her, and let her have the joy of discovery and exploration. This is a journey you take together and it will forge a bond deeper than you can fathom without having experienced it.

The one thing I know, after over 20 years I’m still learning new things and she is still surprising me. Monotony nor boredom are present, or even concerns. More importantly, the bond between us has simply continued to grow without boundaries. This journey fosters deep trust and takes time. It is one thing to trust a person with your life or safety, and quite another to trust them with your heart. Your greatest enemies are selfishness, greed, and narcissism. Keep these animal instincts in check and you can demonstrate free will. I might define it as the ability to make a moral choice contrary to instinct, in accordance with God’s plan. Fail to do so and you will become the very reason you hear so many women say that “men are pigs”.

Monogamy is the cornerstone of the family and the family is the cornerstone of society. Looking outside your marriage like an animal in rut damages not only yourself buy your entire family. When you married, you vowed yourself before God to one woman and she to you. If breaking a promise to God doesn’t concern you, then nothing else will phase you either. The Romans went down this same road right before their fall. They realized the mistake and passed laws to encourage and even require marriage, children, family, and chastity but it was too little – too late, and Rome fell into decline and the dark ages were the result. In short – if you want to live in a world like that, if you want that for your children and their children, then make the choice to follow your instinct like a selfish dumb animal. If you want to experience the greatest gift of our creator then make the choice to love your wife, and in doing so to choose to love God as well.

Sincerely,

Colin Corcoran
cc70458@gmail.com

**Please feel free to write or comment on this post, I’d really like to hear from those that are able to have this experience and how it is changing their marriage, their wives, and their lives.

What Does Marriage Feel Like after 20+ Years

11 Jun

Cutting the Wedding Cake as one

Like all of Marriage, How symbolic is the act of cutting the cake together. Showing that everything we do going forward will done by two working as one in purpose.

So this question was asked to me some time ago. You know, I didn’t know what to say at the time. Catching me speechless was more of a rarity than the person who posed the query realized. I realized that trying to explain it was beyond me on the spur of the moment so I honestly replied “Good, very good”, flashed a smile and quickly changed the subject.

Now, after some introspection, I think I can put it into words. At the very least, I can create pale analogies and simplistic and obtuse parables. We’ve been married for what some would consider a very long time, in fact we’ve been married for all of our adult lives and over half of our current ages. When you get so close, and so comfortable, you tend to loose your perspective. The human mind has an infinite ability to interpret input the way it wants – and it has a general tendency to do so. In marriage, this is a good thing which works to your advantage. It allows your wife to overlook that paunch you’ve developed and the grey hair and wrinkles. I know when I look at her I see the same girl I married, mind you if I look too closely I can see the changes – but it’s like an overlay and I literally see her as if she was frozen in time. The twinkle in her eyes nor her smile has ever changed. My heart still races when she returns after even a short absence, and her touch and kiss still put butterflies in my stomach. Love can be funny that way…

Truth be told, it was not always that way. We had our ups and downs, some of which would have benefitted from inertial dampening. The flame between us started off like and angry charcoal grill with lots of Coleman fuel used as fire-starter – blazing, scorching, unpredictable, and hard to harness. It took some time before things calmed down and we learned how to properly bank and feed the fire to keep it blazingly hot but under control – with no more no more flare-ups or cool downs that took a good bit of work to rekindle. We both married for love, and took that commitment very seriously at the time, but not because of religion – and we had no idea just how much our commitment and resolve would be tested along the way. On the other hand, there have been too many small miracles along the way for me to believe the the Lord had not sent angels to watch over and protect us. We had started as good friends who became inseparable best friends. She was so far out of my league, I repressed my feelings and just focused on being a good friend. Then, one day – a day I will never forget, we realized that we were in love. I also dare say that our lives turned out far differently than we had planned out originally – but instead of being a source of conflict we tended to draw closer. She is my still my best friend – not just my wife, and we find that we still love doing things together. That said, we still have interests apart as well.

However, after over 20 years I wouldn’t change a thing – even the ups and downs. It was from the adversities that I learned some of my most valuable lessons, and because they were traumatic I was encouraged to stay the path and not make those mistakes again (not that I was entirely successful here either). Through it all there was always love – and love really is enough if it’s not the superficial kind. The “I didn’t sign up for this” kind of love isn’t what we had – we made a commitment and managed to keep it and stick together through the ride through the rapids and into the main stream. We saw both better and worse, and continue to see them as life buffets us like a raging storm. We also see each other as the one stable thing in this earthly life outside of God. She is the rock I cling to through the storms, while to her I am the rock that she clings to as well and by clinging together we see each other safely through the maelstrom.

How does it feel? Good, Very Good. Like your favorite pair of jeans that only seems to get better with time, more comfortable and better fitting with each passing year. Am I bored? Never. You might think that the martial embrace would get monotonous over time, and I could see that if it was just sex – but sex takes 45 mins, making love can take hours. When things become deeper there is a whole new infinite realm, the more you learn about each other the better the sex will be too. Once your eliminate the artificial barriers to truly joining together in the very messy way our creator intended, you will find that it changes you greatly to be open to the creation of life. It will keep adding both a spark and spirituality to making love, and it will keep you from falling into the trap of using her as a depository for your sexual angst. I often wish that we could have known then what we know now about it each other – but if we did we would have lost all the joy of exploration and discovery along the way. We still talk, about the day, the kids, the pets, the ham radios, about everything – but the conversations are deeper and as much is said through our eyes and body language as passes through our lips. Neither of us sleeps well without the other present., and while separation creates a feeling of being rent in two – being reunited creates a feeling of elation that lasts for hours. There is a since of well being and security that pervades things – conflicts decrease dramatically just because you understand each other and each other’s moods and feelings. I have dedicated over 20 years of my life to serving her, and I would do it all over again without hesitation. She gave me her love, her heart, her companionship, her service, and 4 beautiful children. She has been the one person who was never afraid to tell me the uncomfortable truths I needed to hear, and to whom I have been able to tell my deepest secrets without fearing ridicule.

If you do not have this then you can only imagine, it’s very hard to walk this path – especially at first – but it gets wider and more pleasant as time passes. The load is always lighter when shared, the trip more pleasant with a loyal companion, and when you stumble and fall or loose your way it can be a lifesaver to have a partner who you can trust – not just with your life, but with your heart. I see in my marriage a deeply spiritually moving experience, a sanctuary and refuge – not a prison. It is a condition where you are both a servant and the served. It is in that service that I finally found peace. Most importantly it is a symbiosis, and the most amazing things can happen when we open our hearts – for it was by my wife’s love for me that I learned to love, and be loved, by her and by God as well.

Sincerely,

Colin Corcoran
cc70458@gmail.com

**Please feel free to write or comment on this post, I’d really like to hear from those that are able to have this experience and how it is changing their marriage, their wives, and their lives.

Sex, Intimacy, and NFP

16 Jan

I’m well aware this is a topic nobody really wants to talk about. We would be happier to just pretend it didn’t exist and go on our merry way. None of this changes the fact that I feel compelled to write about it today, and it’s a post that I have been stewing over for some time now. You’re probably telling yourself this doesn’t apply to you or your marriage, or that you and your wife have a mutual understanding. The hard truth is  what you really might have is a mutual desire to avoid a deeply emotional subject which could potentially ignite a conflict if even mentioned. If after you read my story you find yourself feeling differently, consider letting your wife know that you’ve been reconsidering any prior decision on artificial birth control. This opens the door for a conversation if she senses you are sincere and would like the opportunity to revise the way things are. Heck, you might even let her read this just to get her reaction.

If there was a single word that could garner immediate interest and make your blood boil “SEX” would be it, whether with anger, fear, indignation, trepidation, anticipation, or some variety of other powerful and inflammatory emotions.  I think that’s why it has such a potent effect on our relationships with our spouses. On one side it is a driving biological imperative and at the same time an emotional one. Sex is a wondrous construct, with the power to do far more than provide pleasure .  It is also a conduit to intimacy, and when in the right context with the right person, a deeply bonding experience.

This was something I missed for the longest time. I think everyone notices that sex changes everything in a relationship. This is especially true in a marriage. I may find myself on a cracked and skinny limb here, but after over 20 years of marriage I discovered  a few things – some of them far more recently than I should have and this is one of them.

During my wife’s conversion to Catholicism she decided she needed to talk to me. It was obviously important to her; as she let me know in advance and very carefully selected a time and place to drop the bombshell. “I want to talk to you about stopping the artificial birth control”, she said. You could have knocked me over with a feather. If you’d asked me, I would have said everything was great! We had two children and were thinking maybe of having some more, but not that instant. I was taken aback. This would change everything, and change it far more than I realized at the time. It seems she had already talked to the priest about it and read up on what the Catechism had to say on the matter. It wasn’t an ultimatum, and she made it clear that she would not go forward without my agreement to do it. She wanted my consent and for me to take a little time to honestly evaluate the situation in order to give it.

That made things hard– no confrontation, no defiance, no excuse to react in any other way than to agree to look at it and give it some real thought. You might think I would have brushed it off, but I didn’t. Actually, it ate at me and gnawed continuously on my conscience. She provided me the sections of the Catechism relevant to the subject as well as Humane Vitae and some other materials on NFP. I stuck to the actual church materials and avoided other peoples interpretations of them. To this end, I actually read several of the sermons that comprised “Theology of the Body”. In the end I stewed and fretted, not just about the moral implications, but also about how it was going to affect me. Selfishness reared its ugly head early on and guided my “gut” reaction to help ensure the outcome it favored. One of the most important steps we took was to take a class on NFP. I only thought I understood a woman’s body and her natural cycles and rhythms. What I discovered was that I knew more about the inner workings of a nuclear reactor than I did about the inner workings of a woman. We went through the class and spent a few months tracking her cycle. It was something we did together, and it was actually both intimate and interesting. By the end of second month I started to realize just how much I hadn’t understood.

In the end I wholeheartedly agreed, without reservation, to end the artificial contraception for many reasons,  including the following:

I was not willing ask another person to commit mortal sin with me or for me, so that I could enjoy marital relations without reproductive implications. It was not worth the increased cancer risks and other assorted health implications, including decreased libido and increased stroke risk, for my wife to take those pills. When I thought about it objectively, what I was doing was putting my wife’s health at risk so that I could have my way with her without fear of impregnation. Essentially, the pill turned her from a human partner into a receptacle for my sexual angst, whether or not that was ever my intention. What’s worse, I had learned that most pills are abortive. Many work by causing a spontaneous abortion or failed implantation when the prevention of ovulation fails. A condom makes an even bigger statement. Then there is a very tangible physical barrier between us which has a direct bearing on intimacy. To be honest, I heard artificial birth control in general saying something to my spouse – it said, “I want to have sex, but I don’t want any entanglements to ensue”.  The truth is that marriage is all about entanglement, in all aspects of our being.

I had always hoped for a son one day, and one day after my wife passed a clot  during her period, I went to look at the carefully wrapped bloody pad in the wastebasket. It dawned on me with a sudden clarity that the son I had so long desired might be that very clot now laid to rest in a tidy package at the bottom of the trash can. That moment my mind was made up, and I agreed.

The part of this whole discourse that is important however, is that it caused me to totally change the way I viewed and treated my wife and our sexual relationship. I would have been aghast and defensive if you had suggested to me that I had been selfish or that my motives or actions were less than honorable. However, that feeling does not stand the test of scrutiny from several years forward in time. While parts it of manifest themselves immediately, the change was not instantaneous – but no lasting change usually is. The truth is that things only got better from there, and we had 2 more children using NFP to achieve the conception by predicting those times most favorable for doing so. My wife felt much better in general, and thought I thought our sex life was great before – there was a spark missing which rekindled itself into a burning flame once the intimacy barrier of artificial conception was removed.

Let’s be clear that I’m not at all advocating having children until your wife’s uterus falls out, nor am I advocating against spacing the children you do have out. Just that you leave room for God to work in your life. Artificial birth control is not infallible either, and just provides a false sense of security which ends up being an excuse for the holocaust of abortion in far too many instances. I am saying that disposing of artificial birth control will change your entire perspective on sex, your spouse, and your marriage. In making this decision together, you’ll both be sending the other person a message – and don’t let that message to be “I love you, but not enough to accept the possibility that our love might create a new life who is part of both of us.”. How would you feel if your wife whispered in your ear, “I love you dear, but I abhor the thought of carrying your child”?  It would kill the mood for me too. Opening yourself to life might add a spark and excitement that has been absent far too long, and the message it sends about love and acceptance to the other person works wonders on the intimacy level which can be achieved.

As always, please feel free to share your thoughts or stories in the comments section, as always I appreciate your feedback and comments, tweets, likes, and reposts. You can email me at cc70458@gmail.com if you’d like to pass anything on.

 

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