Monogamy or Monotony – It’s up to you…

22 Jun

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I read a very disturbing article on CNN today, and another on the Huffington Post, about monogamy being unnatural, it compares mankind to other animals and tries to justify immoral behavior by arguing that we are simple creatures among creation and are only driven by instinct and untouched by God with a special gift – free will. However, no other animal bears live young so helpless and dependent for so long a time as humans, in this we are unique; this dependence requires long term commitment and cooperation for the offspring to survive and thrive. This alone could explain why we need monogamy. We can choose a path other than instinct, and that one small thing is responsible for all that is good and noble in this world. We were given this gift primarily so that we could choose to love God, choose to abide in his plan, and choose to follow the path to true happiness which he has laid out for us.

Satan laces the path with all manner of distractions, all of which seem designed to trap us by leveraging our instinct to make us into nothing more than talking pigs with a poor sense of fashion. Greed, lust, avarice, envy, and more are around us always. We are tempted by Satan to succumb, in essence to sell our souls for the baubles and trinkets of instinctual gratification which provide only a hollow sustenance, from which a vicious addiction forms and our souls are blackened before judgement. Don’t allow yourself into thinking that the ability to have entanglement free sex is raising women up or freeing them, it does not. It lowers them to the level of sexual playthings for men, frees the father of responsibility for assisting with the offspring, and allows the father to impregnate as many women as possible – creating offspring he cannot hope to support or assist with. The women are left holding the bag, raising the child or children alone, and our society crumbles. Degrading ever more with each woman whose husband treats her this way, or who chooses this sad and tumultuous path on the advice of misguided and yet vocal individuals. Yet, there are those who mistakenly call this “enlightenment”‘, “progress”, and “women’s liberation”.

A woman should never fool herself into thinking she is truly empowered because she gives away sexual gratification liberally. Those men she services do not love or respect her and they would never take her home to the family or consider marriage. They forget quickly after climax and seek new conquests. When it comes to commitment, men want a partner they can trust, who they can see as a mother to their children and not sloppy seconds or thirds from a plaything passed around the community like a party favor. The worst part is that as men’s attitudes toward women have been changed for the worse by vocal women espousing their beliefs as pseudo-scientific fact by comparing apples and oranges and as they do men’s respect for women is generally diminished. How many hold the door for any lady, give up a bus seat, or offer to assist with obvious needs? Are not sexual assault and violence against women becoming more prevalent as the sense of entitlement to sexual gratification on demand and without strings sets in? Additionally, the mass media would have you believe true love involves hidden disco balls, bikinis, “dream weaver” playing in the background, and that it is always instantaneous – creating unrealistic expectations on both sides.

If you are a woman reading this and you consider yourself “sexually liberated”, know this – you are perishable and sometime around age 40 your expiration date comes up. Set aside after being traded in for a younger prettier model, you are likely to live out your remaining time alone, or with a male rejected by one or more previous women for good reason. You will have gained nothing of value: no children, no home, no husband, no true love, and none of the bonds of surety that those things entail in this life. You will also have inadvertently dragged other members of your sex down in the process.

Enough about that, lets talk about monogamy. So why is it that monogamy would be a problem? Truth be told, all women have the same basic equipment. Though they may vary somewhat in shape and size, the most important aspect of your sexual relationship with your wife is you mutual desire to bond more closely together and please each other while being open to life. While technical skill at lovemaking is important, it is best learned with and tailored to your spouse. Every woman is unique, and as a husband you need to focus on listening and paying attention to your wife. Not just what she says, but what she does not say – and not what “Mr. Winkie” is screaming in your ear. Try just once making love with your wife, and focusing every ounce of your attention and enthusiasm on her. Listen to her voice, breathe her in, feel her lips, touch her gently – explore her all of her, not just her erogenous zones. Slow down, savor the moment and do your best to give yourself over completely to serving her needs and desires both spoken and unspoken. You must be the servant and not the master, this is not about you – so lose yourself sharing the joy you are bringing to her and never assume that you thrusting, sweating, and grunting while squishing her beneath you is a gift from you to her, unless it is done at the right time in the right way. Otherwise that part is all about your physical gratification, so don’t fool yourself. Make sure she feels free to express her desires and fantasies without ridicule or dismissal. As a man, you know just how damaging it can be to express an interest and be told outright “when hell freezes”, or worse laughed at. I also know that the marital embrace for a woman is a deeply emotional experience you should be striving to share, and if you make her feel loved, wanted, desired, and fulfilled then her desire to return that gift knows no bounds. In the end she may discover her own unique ways to touch your body, heart, and soul beyond your wildest imaginings. Once you can do this for each other in the context of a deep emotionally bonding experience, plain old sex as you once knew it will be never again hold the same luster.

You see, the act of sex itself is never boring, but apathy, indifference and rejection are. Put yourself in her place and ask yourself how you might feel if your positions were reversed. If she feels that she’s always making a sacrifice for you, and receiving little to nothing in return then just imagine what it would do to your enthusiasm to be in her shoes. Quiet resignation, apathy, or even avoidance will eventually settle in – you’ll feel unloved and unwanted, blame her for being frigid, or worse suspect her faithfulness. How are you going to feel about it when she submits but her mind is elsewhere, or she shows no interest or active participation – if you are truly paying attention you might realize that she is enduring your advance and not enthusiastically welcoming it. Truth be known this condition is as contagious as any other shared emotion including joy. Soon you too will loose interest in her and then Satan can work in your marriage and provide the coup de gras for the condition. Loosing the bonds that bind you both, and victoriously destroying a sacrament in the process.

For those that choose the path of infidelity as a solution, the excitement and eagerness you seek are invariably temporary, something you may not realize until you have lost everything at Satan’s behest – you marriage, children, job, home, savings, etc… We have all seen too many people go down that road. You know exactly where it leads them and there is no easy return, and rarely is return even possible. It’s not just the betrayal of trust, and the decimated bonding that prevents healing. The feelings of anger and rejection can be insurmountable and lead the aggrieved party down a self-destructive path that will endanger their soul.

Lets be clear, things are always dependent on both partners. It’s up to you to set an example and take the lead as the husband. If you start by changing how you approach lovemaking so that rather than focusing on your needs as instincts would dictate, and instead focusing on her needs which go far beyond sex, then you will quickly find boredom impossible. Dispose of the birth control and use NFP, you have no idea how exciting sex can be until you remove the barriers between you. Unlike infidelity, this excitement never wains and it’s one you can share together. Lovemaking is a simmering pot you bring to a boil on occasion, so keep it simmering. Use your words and actions to remind her how you feel away from the bedroom and away from immediate sexual intention. Learn to enjoy a kiss, a gentle caress of a non-erogenous zone, or the glow she gets from being reminded how pretty you find her. She might surprise you once she feels comfortable doing so, by following your lead and keeping you simmering as well.

Learning to give is much easier than learning to receive, I suspect it is probably the hardest thing to accomplish for men. Allow her to learn your intimate needs and secrets and what you respond to without trying to make demands or give detailed instructions. You have to remember that just as your role is to serve her, so hers is also to serve you – so let her, and let her have the joy of discovery and exploration. This is a journey you take together and it will forge a bond deeper than you can fathom without having experienced it.

The one thing I know, after over 20 years I’m still learning new things and she is still surprising me. Monotony nor boredom are present, or even concerns. More importantly, the bond between us has simply continued to grow without boundaries. This journey fosters deep trust and takes time. It is one thing to trust a person with your life or safety, and quite another to trust them with your heart. Your greatest enemies are selfishness, greed, and narcissism. Keep these animal instincts in check and you can demonstrate free will. I might define it as the ability to make a moral choice contrary to instinct, in accordance with God’s plan. Fail to do so and you will become the very reason you hear so many women say that “men are pigs”.

Monogamy is the cornerstone of the family and the family is the cornerstone of society. Looking outside your marriage like an animal in rut damages not only yourself buy your entire family. When you married, you vowed yourself before God to one woman and she to you. If breaking a promise to God doesn’t concern you, then nothing else will phase you either. The Romans went down this same road right before their fall. They realized the mistake and passed laws to encourage and even require marriage, children, family, and chastity but it was too little – too late, and Rome fell into decline and the dark ages were the result. In short – if you want to live in a world like that, if you want that for your children and their children, then make the choice to follow your instinct like a selfish dumb animal. If you want to experience the greatest gift of our creator then make the choice to love your wife, and in doing so to choose to love God as well.

Sincerely,

Colin Corcoran
cc70458@gmail.com

**Please feel free to write or comment on this post, I’d really like to hear from those that are able to have this experience and how it is changing their marriage, their wives, and their lives.

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2 Responses to “Monogamy or Monotony – It’s up to you…”

  1. zoxell June 24, 2013 at 12:47 pm #

    If I didn’t know better, I’d say I wrote this myself. It’s good to see another Christian man who is not afraid to stand up to the progressive death march toward secularism. These are some creepy times we’re living in. And the creepiness, I’m afraid, is alive and well within the walls of our own Church. How many Catholics believe birth control is not only okay, but necessary? How may Catholics belive killing an unborn child is a woman’s right? How many Catholics support gay “marriage”? The statistics, I’m sure, are alarming.

    My wife and I have had to take some very proactive steps with our older kids (we have six …still perfecting NFP). Keeping the communication open and a bible (or even the catechism) handy is always important. You never know when one will come home with a very awkward question. The last thing you want to do is lose the teachable moment, and allow their understanding of the issue to be formed by public schools or peers.

    Recently, I was forced to explain why the Boy Scouts were allowing open and avowed gay boys into their ranks. Not only did I have to explain what “gay” meant to the Cub Scout, but I could see the discomfort and uneasiness it caused both my Eagle Scout and Second Class son, as they contemplated the possibly of being forced to tent with openly gay boys. But rather than avoid it, we embraced it, and made sure they understood where our family and the Church stood on this matter.

    Apologies that my response did not actually address your very important topic. I agree with everything you wrote. I would add that abortion is another frequent and tragic end-result of uncommitted sex.

    I enjoy reading your insights. Keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

    • cc70458 June 24, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

      Thank you for your support. I have 3 girls and a boy myself and I fear greatly for their futures, as they have been raised with certain expectations of what a husband is and what should be expected of him. I had looked forward to scouting with my son when he got old enough, but now I doubt the institution will survive long term since it has compromised one of it’s core principles and I am considering the civil air patrol for him instead. At least there he will still learn duty, honor, and courage (being third generation Navy) – since I realize only too well exactly how military values can shape a person I think this very important in molding a young boy into a man.

      My daughters may choose to participate as well, as duty honor and courage are necessary to women as well.
      In the sex like marriage is a responsibility, and I have no use for a boy that would run from the girl he defiled and leave her to face the future alone – and less use for a parent that would allow him to do so or encourage that solution or abortion.

      People are human, they will fall, but when they do they should do so with grace, courage, honor, and a sense of duty to work together to love and protect the life they have created. A boy willing to face me and ask my daughters hand in marriage to preserve her after such a mistake would be showing just the seed of character I pray for each of them to find in a man. He would be a man in my eyes no matter what his age and I would do whatever I could to ensure their success and give him the tools to make my daughter happy and enjoy a fulfilling life.

      You know how I feel about artificial birth control, and of course abortion – as birth control? I could not imagine my son marrying a woman who would murder her unborn child to cover up a hers or a boys mistake.

      There is a sure cure for VD and pregnancy, it is called chastity – and I would rather we expected more of our children so that they would expect more of themselves – rather than lowering the bar to the level of a bonobo chimp with a roll of Saran Wrap for his genitals. While all people fail, people of character will stand tall and accept the consequences of their actions. While running away might work here on earth – after you die there is nowhere to run, and running away from your choices is not the legacy I want The Lord to Think of when he sees me.

      As third generation military, and further back than that though I can’t state the names and wars – I suspect that much of my black and white view of the world was developed by the military’s influence in the 70’s through the 90’s. My views on marriage were shaped by my grandparents example,

      Marriage requires duty, honor, sacrifice, and courage from both husband and wife to work – not just love of your spouse and God.

      God bless and keep you, and keep the stories coming!

      Colin

      Like

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