Husbands Love Your Wives…

7 Apr


This seems to be a serious issue in marital relationships.  Lets be honest for  a moment. I have gotten dozens of emails over the last few months about this particular issue and a shocking number of personal inquiries, especially over the last few months on the subject of husbands denying wives intimacy. Not exactly what you might expect to hear – but the complaints against husbands are running 5 to 1 or so over complaints about wives withholding intimacy.

Lets put the locker room talk and jocular speech on hold. Let’s not pretend this isn’t happening, or that it is not embarrassing for the men involved. Both are true, and both are deeply hurting marriages. I will explain. Embarrassment over an inability to perform due to any variety of valid reasons, is the leading cause of the rejection of intimacy. The sad side effect is that it also is something men don’t want to discuss even with their wives or doctors. As was so aptly put in the movie Cool Hand Luke, “What we have here, is a failure to communicate”. Seriously,  secrets are bad for marriages. Anything which affects you is your wife’s business, especially when it affects her too.

She cannot nurture, comfort, or help you if she does not understand what is wrong or what is going on – nor can she help. In all fairness, there may be nothing more she can do than hold your hand – but let her at least do that. Do not dismiss her and ignore her ever. Such a course of action simply leaves her mind reeling with possibilities (none of them good) for why you are suddenly detaching yourself from marital intimacy. Marital Intimacy is not just sex! It is holding hands, displays of affection, cuddling, touching – not necessarily involving coitus. To deny your wife all these things because you are for some reason incapable on the action you consider the “Big One” is deadly sin in a selfish wrapper. Marital intimacy is not about you, or your groin. It’s about sharing and being close to each other, touching, caressing, and in general emotionally, physically, and spiritually bonding.

In short – you need to take care of your wife both physically and emotionally, intimacy is critical to marriage. Carefully explain the issue(s). Work through what you can. Work around what you cannot work through, and tackle the problem as partners like God intended. Your wife cannot support you if you do not tell her where to raise you up! Stop and think for just a moment how you would feel if she suddenly refused you for weeks on or months on end, gave you the silent treatment, and offered no real explanation? Now be honest with yourself, and tell me that you would intentionally inflict such hurt into your marriage as actions like that cause. If you do not already do it – I strongly urge you to consider prayer together. A strong marital bond requires physical, spiritual, and emotional intimacy. Husbands, even if it is just holding her hand and saying responses as your wife leads a rosary, or for the more adventurous – a recitation of the wedding night prayers from Tobit. Keep spirituality in your marital intimacy. Personally, I keep a crucifix up in the bedroom as a reminder never to act or not to act towards my wife in a manner that I would be ashamed for Christ to witness. Remember, God is always watching.

Wives – the reverse applies to you as well. Men tend to react very quickly and negatively to a sudden disconnect in emotional and physical intimacy. Communicate if accommodations for some issue are necessary – allow them to be part of the solution and not yet another problem.

Pax Christi,


8 Responses to “Husbands Love Your Wives…”

  1. Fr. Eddie Tatro † April 7, 2014 at 9:56 am #

    Amen Colin Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Fr. Eddie Tatro † April 7, 2014 at 9:57 am #

    Reblogged this on Bishop Eddie Tatro's Study and commented:
    Very sound thoughts from a good friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. kyangel17 April 7, 2014 at 9:52 pm #

    My now ex never heard this part of the reading. He stopped listening at “Wives, obey your husbands”, the point where this mental and physically abusive man would nudge me and grin, and I would get up and leave the building, even if I was the one leading the music at Mass that day. I would stand in the sacristy and listen until time for the gospel, when it was time for the Alleluia chorus, and return to the musician’s podium for the rest of the Mass. So sorry, but this is one part of the bible I refuse to love.


    • Colin Corcoran April 19, 2014 at 11:26 am #

      Kentucky Angel,
      Your story and the many like it of husbands who simply stop reading once they have heard what they want to hear is why I started writing this blog. I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner – but your comment required prayerful consideration. The bible contains much we do not like or love – truth is not always comfortable and the way is narrow and rocky. That in no way excuses your husbands actions or attitudes. A wife is to be set above you and below God – A husband’s role is to serve, not to be served. The wife’s role is the same – service to the sacrament of marriage we bestowed on our spouses. Abuse of the sacrament is sin. I will pray for you – that your faith may be restored and that you may fully heal. I sincerely hope I reach other husbands before they can inflict such damage in their marriages.

      Pax Christi,


  4. Michael Ogundele April 26, 2014 at 8:17 pm #

    This is so Delicious! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: