Pregnancy, Change, Marriage

10 Aug

12-01-2007 03_53_47PMWhether expected or a surprise, pregnancy is a time of great change – for you as a husband into a father, for your wife into a mother, and for your marriage which becomes a new family. In truth this is a time of great change and transition for you as  well as for your wife. Each woman is different and each pregnancy is different. This makes setting any specific expectations impossible. I can however assure you of one thing – this too shall pass, it may pass like a kidney stone, but pass it will.

Here is some advice from someone who has been through this 4 times:

Your initial reaction is important. More important than you know! Don’t make the mistake of letting your fears and apprehensions overshadow the joy when you respond to the news of an impending birth. First impressions matter, and she needs your support at that moment more than you will understand. Allow your happiness and pride to be what shows, hold any apprehensions and fears until you can work them out. Truth is that most of those fears and apprehensions will work themselves out. I know how the rush of mixed emotions can be overpowering – but this is a place where a little care with your speech and actions can make or break the tone for the next few months, and even the whole marriage.

The only thing for sure is change, and your wife will be undergoing physiological changes beyond her control. She may happy and stable one minute and in tears and despairing the next, especially if this is her first child. She will also be undergoing physical changes as well, more than just the expanding belly – her hips will be widening to accommodate the coming birth, and her breasts may be tender in preparing to feed the coming child. During some periods her hormones may make making love more pleasurable for her than ever before, and at other times painful, or even distasteful. Enjoy the glow which accompanies pregnancy, it will make her seem more beautiful than ever. Be emotionally and physically supportive, so that she is reassured. As at all times in marriage, but especially now ,she will need your love. She alone carries a gift of God to both of you, but it is a heavy burden to bring that life to bear and you must help to carry her through it.

Most importantly, you need to focus on adapting to the new reality and embracing it joyfully. Your life is changing and God will give you the strength to adapt to your additional responsibilities. Your marriage is also changing to accommodate the new addition to your family who will consume necessarily your wife’s time and attention as well as your own. Sharing in the care of the child will not only help you bond as a father, but also help bond you to your wife even more deeply than you imagined. Set aside/arrange time for yourself and your wife to be together alone, and set aside breathing room for your wife to pursue her own interests at least a few hours a week. Even letting her have a respite to go shopping alone while you hold down the fort for a few hours can have a tremendous effect on her mental state and morale.

Your marriage will continue to change as children are both born, and move away to start their own families. Never view your family as an impediment to your dreams but rather as support in achieving them, and let them be your inspiration. Most importantly, they are the ones with whom you can share your joy and your achievements with. You will even find that those dreams change over time, changing from your dreams for yourself to dreams for your family – this is that seminal moment when one discovers what it means to me to be both husband and father.

Please feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments section –

Colin

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3 Responses to “Pregnancy, Change, Marriage”

  1. prayingforoneday August 13, 2013 at 1:25 am #

    I like this blog mate. Dawn and I have 4 kids also, Dean and Ryan (21 and 19 years old) Courtney and Chloe (3 and 4 years old) When the boys were born, Dawn and I were kids ourselves. I was a bad boy and wasn’t around. Although I made up for it and more. I became the football coach at school and did football and guy things with the boys. With the girls, totally different, I was at both the boy’s births, but with the girls, I cried like a baby both times. We wanted a girl and we got two. So blessed we were. The change was hard, but hard in a brilliant way. At first with sleepness nights (I slept then) and nappies and bottles it was fun. Now the girls are 3 and 4 they are developing a personality all of their own and watching 2 small babies slowly turn into toddlers to little girls, for me, was a blessing from God. I just loved it and today with their lady like tantrums and bossy ways, I laugh behind their back, as we have to say “No honey, you don’t speak like that” but it sure is funny. So good blog again mate. I think just going with the change and enjoying the change is just amazing. With the boys I was scared as I was 17 years old when Dean came along. But with the girls it was like awaiting Christmas, we had a room all ready and it was an amazing time, and still is…

    Great blog my friend

    Like

    • cc70458 August 13, 2013 at 2:07 am #

      Thanks Shaun. and thanks for sharing!

      Colin

      Like

      • prayingforoneday August 13, 2013 at 2:13 am #

        My pleasure mate…
        It is a good blog you got there, needs more views if you ask me…
        Cheers buddy

        Like

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