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Pornography and Marriage

24 Feb

sex-987183_1280

Let us start with the very basics – sex is not just about a biological drive especially for husbands! Husbands see sex as an affirmation of their worth as human beings, a confirmation of the love of their wives, and the sexual act as proof that they are still loved and desireable. Any honest husband will not deny this. Guess what, the vast majority of the wives see it the same way. While we are vastly different in the nature and mechanics of our physical needs from our spouses – our emotional and spiritual needs are the same.

I want you to stop and think, remove the idea of one person being a victim and one person being an aggressor in this whole debate. Married couples are one flesh – so the couple is essentially one person hurting itself. Blame neither solves the problem, nor does it improve the odds for a successful resolution. Second, we need to understand that you cannot change another person’s behaviour by force or coercion of any kind and have any real or lasting positive effect. Third, we need to accept the truth that love is a choice we have promised to make every day as part of our sacramental matrimonial vows.

Most men and women who feel driven to this are longing as much for the emotional and spiritual side of the marital act as they are the physical release it brings. Unable to obtain what they really need – they often start with substitution by self-pleasuring. Husbands are especially prone to this because their emotions become volatile – not because they feel pent up sexual need, but in reality because the sting of the rejection by their spouse they feel. Do not think women are immune – in the long course of writing this blog and in my personal experience and observation I have seen more wives needs ignored, than I have husbands needs ignored. If your wife needs your undivided attention, your love, and your acceptance – you turn off the Super Bowl and give it to her. Let her know that she is important and desirable. Not in your words, but in your actions. If you are choosing a game, Facebook, or a television show over intimacy with your wife then what are you saying to her about your love or her importance?

Wives, the same applies to you. Imagine how you would feel if it took two hours of begging or badgering to get him to agree, now hold that thought. Whatever that would do to your self esteem it does the same to him because a man in a sacramental marriage is not expecting every woman in the world to love him – and yes, find him desirable. He is hanging a great deal of his self-image and self-esteem on your response to him. If you want a husband who is bold and confident then you need to build him up and not tear him down with rejection or criticisms. Too many times I hear things like “He just needs to deal with it”. I think it is time for women who think that way put on their big-girl panties and deal with their issues preventing them from committing to love their husbands every day without laying all the blame and responsibility on him. This commitment both parties must make every morning to love each other is imperative because Love is a Choice. It’s long past time for both men and women to discover the joy of lighting up another person’s face, or making their day with a kind word, romantic gesture, or enthusiastic intimate affirmation. This would be in contrast to doing what is necessary only to fill our own desires as the need builds, which focuses only on what we want and is not service to another – but rather is use of another.

Rejection is the next phase. This is where the husband or wife has now tried repeatedly, even if unclearly, to initiate intimacy and failed or been rebuffed. Each time the rebuff happens without a clearly stated and valid reason, a piece of your spouse’s self esteem is torn away. Even worse are situations where one spouse submits half-heartedly or less, which often leaves the other spouse feeling used and dirty. Husbands are as susceptible as wives to this feeling, and it cannot be fixed with any words afterwards. Further, it does lasting serious damage to the marital relationship. It leaves husbands feeling filthy like they just had sex unfaithfully with an unenthusiastic gum chewing prostitute, or worse have just raped their wives. Women end up feeling either raped or used and dirty. When sex is not a gift to your spouse given out of love, such results are inevitable. The self esteem of both parties is diminished, and the intimacy dies little more with each passing day. Until one day nothing remains of it.

When the rejection becomes more than they think they can handle – they will withdraw. At this point the spouse that has withdrawn will either lash out in anger, and/or turn to masterbation and pornography in a misguided belief that it is less harmful than adultery. It is adultery, Jesus was clear about that. When they withdraw they will cease to initiate intimacy because they cling to the idea that if they do not allow themselves to be rejected again that there is still some vestige of the intimacy they can later salvage. It is of of course a self-defense mechanism and not an attempt to hurt their spouse. It is a thorny problem to solve when dealing with husbands, as too many wives will watch the spiral and refuse to initiate intimacy boldly enough to convince the husband they truly want to unite with him and that they do not act out of a sense of pity or duty (as some husbands also do to their wives gravely damaging their self-esteem). No self-respecting husband wants just sex, nor does he want just sex under those circumstances. For that matter, no spouse would want the other to consider intimacy an unpleasant chore or duty. To reach such a point is to admit there is no love left between you and in sacramental marriage that is a terrible and devastating thing to be faced with.

Once both sides have rejected each other long enough, and torn down their spouses self esteem in the process, they leave each other vulnerable to outside temptations. While the spouse pulling the trigger is responsible for their actions, there was a great sin against them done by the spouse who helped to load and hold the gun that shot both of them in the head. Both of them are inevitably deeply or gravely wounded. The children are deeply wounded and will bear scars from that wound their whole lives. What is even sadder is that the marriage rarely recovers, even if the couple is later reconciled. If they are not, a divorce simply leaves both parties unhappy and in relative poverty dragging any children along on the downward emotional and financial spiral. I find that the end results are generally horrific for both parties and any children involved. Of course – if one spouse rejects and disparages the other being overweight, some facet of their appearance, or other superficial physical attribute; Then the need for that spouse to find validation, acceptance, and desirability comes much more quickly because their self esteem has been ripped apart much more quickly and directly. Regardless of their gender, infidelity follows almost invariably as the disparaged and rejected spouse seek to confirm their desirability with a member of the opposite sex, or to find the intimacy lacking at home with a person outside their marriage.

The solution is easier said than done. Always make a choice each morning when you first wake to love your spouse, body and soul, without reservation. Always speak well of your spouse, to them and to others. Build your spouse up, as they will rise to meet your expectations if praised honestly and spoken to kindly. Always be affectionate with your spouse. Always remember you cannot fix your spouse – but you can inspire them to greatness. Always accommodate your spouse when they initiate intimacy or explain why you cannot and set up a rain check so they do not think it is a rejection of their person – then keep the rain check with joy and enthusiasm to remove all doubt.

Give it some thought. It costs nothing to make time for intimacy, but you must make the time and the effort so that your spouse feels wanted and desired. Make a point of giving you spouse a gift when and where you can. Remember that not only will it create a much deeper bond between you, but it will also ease so many other facts of marital life and communication. You may even find a joy in each other long forgotten when sex stops being driven by biology, and begins to be driven by love – and no man willingly trades a woman who loves him for his hand and a wrinkled magazine or dim computer monitor, nor does any woman trade a husband who loves her for a harlequin romance novel and a massaging shower head.

Pax Christi…

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When the End Begins…

28 Jul

We are fast approaching the point where people are now fully aware of the large price a human baby can command if cut into it’s components by a Planned Parenthood butcher. Once those people start demanding compensation to murder their children and sign over the parts instead of paying for abortions – you will see a society so wicked that pregnancies are created on purpose for financial gain and wicked “liberated” women and men will lead so very many to join them in growing babies as a cash crop for Planned Parenthood’s customers.

That my friends, is Where the End Begins….

Natural “Self-Selection”

8 Feb

natural_selection

This is all about abortion, contraception, and LGBT combined with the destruction of families. Where to begin…

Lets start with the basis of the biological imperative coded into our genome which is to reproduce. Whether or not you believe in God even – when you contracept and abort you reduce or dramatically limit the amount of your genome passed on to future generations. For what greater monument to your time on Earth can you leave than children well raised.

Many perform sex selection to weed out daughters – this is a fallacy. A son may carry your name, but a daughter carries your genetic legacy and passes it on more effectively. We can trace all people on earth to a common genetic mother “Mitochondrial Eve“, but have no information on the father.

By self-selecting yourself for elimination from the gene pool – one might consider this a form of suicide. Since it is occurring at the macro level we can not help but see a Malthusian mechanism at work.  We thought we had outsmarted God, and here it is – God suprising us. This applies if you contracept, abort, or engage in same sex or gender bending relationships. Your line ends right here. It goes no further. You have been “Self-Selected for Extinction”

From a perspective of natural biology, you become a failure since you do not reproduce. The results of that failure are being felt strongly in Japan, Russia, China, Denmark, and even in the United States. The links provided are quite informative and from mainstream respected news sources – not some tin hat online magazine. They are quite enlightening. *The Danish public service advertisement video is risque and direct, but not vulgar.

You see, our economy will never recover without workers to work – and consumers to buy things. Our aging population is a recipe for euthanasia and disaster, especially when combined with a birth rate well below replacement level. There simply arent enough young people coming up to maintain the services already in place – much less to expand them as more people in the generation ahead of me retire.

Social Security is a ponzi scheme collapsing because we turned the pyramid upside down (not just because congress robbed it). That too will be an issue – without stable monogamous marriages averaging 3 children or better for several generations and men earning a living wage that will support that family and allow them the time to maintain the marriage and raise the children then we are doomed. Doomed by our greed and arrogance to crash and burn as a society and be replaced anew by a society made up of the children of parents who did not contracept and abort themselves into extinction.

The legacy of the future belongs to those who reproduce. If you want to save America, what America needs to save itself are well raised children from stable nuclear families. The non-viable mutations will die off shortly as nature intended and are of little consequence.

Pax Christi,

Colin

The Tea Party and Catholicism are Incompatible

24 Jan

Gadsden-FlagMany Catholics have felt alienated and betrayed by both the Republicans and the Democrats for many years now. This is not just an observation, but a fact. However, we learned a lesson yesterday about the Tea Party that should give every single one of the practicing Catholic supporters serious pause enough to re-evaluate whether a practicing Catholic can support the Tea Party.

Stop for a moment and rethink your position if you support a party that is not committed to supporting life, but rather is more concerned with changing the movements of small green pieces of paper. Why do they have that focus? Because we let them have it, by voting for them even though they did not declare their support for life as the primary objective.

Tea Party is not PRO-LIFE, and never have been. They take “no official stand” on social and moral issues. They are happy to let you mislead yourself in irrational exuberance if you are Pro-Life. You need to understand that they cannot win without Pro-Life support. However, they are Pro-Abortion as far as I’m concerned and my concern was proven yesterday.

I’m much more worried about human lives than the unhappy movements of little green pieces of paper. Further, if you are not against abortion, then you are not for life. You are just a moral coward refusing to take a stand. If you had told me before yesterday that a Republican (and Tea Party Congresswoman from NC) would be the new face of “Abortion Barbie” I would have laughed at you. I thought they understood. I was sure one look out their windows or congresses doorway at the hundreds of thousands (650,000-800,000) marching and praying from across the country on a weekday would send a message they could not ignore. I thought the fact that a large majority of the marchers were women and young people would make a statement. Guess what – they did not understand – and they refused to face the music with Abortion Barbie running after the vote. They marginalized our faith in God, in Moral Truth, and in their promises – and reneged on the passing of the bill at the last minute.

There was no rioting, looting, or threats. Complete order was maintained and the March for Life continued. In 2 years when the elections are held, do not think for an instant that this moment of betrayal will be forgotten. Just because we are not violent or disorderly does not mean we lack conviction. What it does mean is that we have discipline and deep conviction. This betrayal was a mistake to be dealt with at the ballot box at each and every election.

“But they passed another bill stopping funding…”

Yes they did, that same restriction has been in place since Ronald Reagan in the 80’s. More importantly – no matter what they passed the president is going to VETO it. We knew that going in. We wanted a statement about the sanctity of LIFE and the DIGNITY OF THE HUMAN PERSON. What we did not want was a statement about reducing “funding”…. That was not the point.

The Republican Party itself showed extreme disunity and disorganization on this key issue of LIFE which IS part of their official platform. It is the fault of pro-life people who do not confirm the pro-life credentials of the representation they elect. It is also the Catholics and other Christians who allow their concerns about small green pieces of inanimate paper to trump the concern for the life of a child.

Think about it, pray about it, and remind your elected representatives that human life is more important than financial goals. Remind them that we must see real effort, not last minute moral abdication. Remind them that the bait and switch tactics on legislation will be remembered at the next election and followed through on.

We threw the last set of congressmen out of office in the elections sweep – we can do it again in 2 years, but only if we are a force to be reckoned with who are willing to put human life above all other considerations. Together we can do great things. Disparate and passive, we are reduced to an inconsequential demographic that will be pandered to at election time. Test our resolve on Protecting Life, and you will fail.

Keep Praying, and remember that PROTECTING LIFE trumps everything when it comes time to vote.

Pax Christi,

Colin

 

Human Sacrifice is Alive and Well

1 Jul

01_22

 

It’s not a baby, its a “Clump of Cells” according to the liberal left. This baby was a human being that was sacrificed on the altar of:

  • Financial Security
  • Greed
  • Convenience
  • Career
  • Education
  • Adultery/Infidelity
  • Fornication
  • Fear
  • Irresponsibility

I could go on – but in short, this Baby was a human sacrifice. Murdered to obtain something of comfort or value in this life at the price of an unthinkable sin against God. We all know murder is wrong – so we tell ourselves it’s not a person. Look closely at the picture above and tell me that’s not a baby. Tell me it’s a clump of random cells in a blob. Yeah, that’s what I thought – It’s a baby human. A gift from God and some mother to whose care it was entrusted murdered it before it was born. This is how far our society has fallen.

To give you an idea how far that fall is we need to examine Roman law that protected the unborn and made abortion illegal. They recognized the innocence of the unborn child and would not even execute a pregnant women. These people had zero respect for life in general and meted out death in a public manner and on a grand scale. They thought up amazing ways to kill people, especially focusing on how to keep them from dying too quickly. Crucifixion comes to mind, since it was a penalty too brutal to use to execute a Roman citizen. They could still kill a citizen by beating him to death though. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out just how badly damaged our moral compass is.

When a woman murders her unborn child – she is sacrificing its life because of her mistake or to make life easier for her in some way. We live in a society where we charge people with crimes for spanking children but we harbor criminals who participate or facilitate human sacrifice through abortions.  When a child with issues like down syndrome is murdered, it is not really concern for the child – it is concern for the time, effort, lifestyle changes, and fiscal costs necessary to care for that child. Let us not fool ourselves any further – dishonesty just compounds the evil.

Women need these fairy tales about how it’s just a clump of cells (No wonder Planned Parenthood doesn’t want women to see their babies on an ultrasound machine first!) to go through the sacrifice without going mad. Men should be ashamed of themselves. They need to start taking full responsibility. Don’t have premarital sex. If you do make sure it is with a woman you are willing to take to wife – because the very second conception occurs your life is forever changed. You now have an obligation to provide and care for that mother and child over any personal aspirations you may have had. To provide a home and family. Men used to be expected to marry young ladies they left in a family way – and treat them as sacramental marriage requires. The pregnancy alone is proof of strong chemistry – and true love develops over time anyway. Now so many men push the women to have abortions with threats and coercion, and failing those being efficacious – use any wrangling they can to get out of supporting their offspring.

The worst part is that those men push Human Sacrifice on the mothers for the same reasons listed above. Then to compound their sin, they induce others to sin. The family is the basis of civilization. Take the chivalrous path, let duty, honor, and sacrifice be things we once again admire. Let women choose young men more wisely making moral character the key quality they seek. Let women practice the Lysistrata defense and demand sacramental marriage prior to coitus. If a man will not make a commitment and wait, then he is not worthy of her anyway.

Stop the Human Sacrifice – you are bartering for things that do not matter (you cannot take them with you when you die – nor will they be your epitaph) and you are trading the most precious gift God bestows. Only one entity would encourage such a bargain – have you ever considered that in performing the Human Sacrifice of your child one might stop and ask themselves “Whom does this serve?” I guarantee “God” will not be the answer.

When the Obamacare demanded Catholic business owners and other persons of moral conscience not only support, but to personally fund this human sacrifice – they went off the reservation. Thanks be to God for the Supreme Court providing a moral compass. Mind you this does not stop all abortions – it just stops Catholics and others with similar religious convictions from having to pay for them. It’s the first step in the right direction in a long time.

Pax  Christi,

Colin

 

 

What the Church really needs IMHO

1 Jun

A meal shared in community after mass. (Local VFW since our parish hall is being renovated)

A meal shared in community after mass. (Local VFW since our parish hall is being renovated)

In a word – COMMUNITY.

I’ve been listening to people that keep espousing tripe like:

  1. Better Bands
  2. Hipper Priests/Married Priests
  3. Nicer buildings
  4. Women Priests
  5. Openly Gay Married Priests
  6. Drop the teachings on… Matrimonial Indissolubility, Artificial Contraception, Fornication, Homosexual Copulation, Homosexual Marriage, Murder and Abortion, Papal Infallibility, The Eucharist, Relic Veneration, Marian Devotion

I’m going to stop there for a reason. For the church to do ANYTHING past #3 it would cease to be the Catholic Church. In essence, most of the proposals I am hearing are superficial or simply out of the question.

Now for a dose of honesty in this conversation. The church teachings are used as an excuse not to come back – but the real reason in my humble opinion is a lack of connection to the Church. The Church is no longer an integral part of the family or the community. Without it families and communities  have fallen apart. The Church is wounded even more deeply by two generations of the poorest quality of catechesis, or lack thereof,  in history. We have too many who claim a lack of participation because they want to rule or govern some aspect of the church rather than humbly submit to her as willing servants and the current structure excludes them from doctrine and policy decisions. The sense of community has been lost. How long has it been since you had a social hour after church before people left? How long has it been since you shared a meal after mass with complete strangers in community (and not as a fundraiser – but one where not a penny was collected nor expected)? When was the last time you performed some act of service for your Church or Parish that involved real work from you – like cleaning the church, mowing the grass, moving things, repairing something — while working as part of a larger group of volunteers. The community must be made of people, not their cheques.

Just as fatherhood in this country has been erroneously abrogated to a monthly support check, so religion seems to have been abrogated to a tithing cheque or pledge. We have allowed both of these to happen. Worse still is a sense of entitlement that has accompanied this change. We have become arrogant and impetuous. Some have decided that because they write a cheque that suddenly they should have a say in Church policy and doctrine. It gets better still when people outside the church think that they too have a say. Acting as if the Church of Christ were a democracy. This represents nothing less than a confederacy of dunces in rebellion against God himself. God who personally founded the Church and set Peter at its helm. At some point it is my hope that we will see though it. Though it will not cure all ills, putting the church back at the center of the community is the surest way to bring people back. We need to have them fully personally invested, and teach the next generation the joys of serving lovingly without expectation or direct remuneration. All while notwithstanding the need for teaching them the faith.

You see the mass isn’t the problem, the doctrine and teaching of the Catholic Church is not the problem, faithful communities disappearing – that is the problem. Without those communities we are left standing alone, against a world which seeks to consume our very souls.  With strong communities we become a rock and the world an ocean, it can dash against us, and cover us, but we remain firm and faithful. Without those communities we are but gravel on a beach at the mercy of waves and tides.

To paraphrase JFK (our only Catholic President), ask not what the Church can do to serve you, but instead what you can do to serve the Church.

Pax Christi,

Colin

Open Letter to Senators Vitter and Landrieu

7 Feb

Eucharistic Adoration

Senators David Vitter & Mary Landrieu,

I would like to draw your attention to this issue. It would seem that the values of the UN and our Constitution are in juxtaposition. The very foundation of our country is under attack by the new UN world government, which attacks our second amendments rights – compounded by an executive branch that signed the treaty knowing congress could never ratify it.

http://www.lifenews.com/2014/02/05/vatican-blasts-un-panel-demanding-it-change-its-position-against-abortion/

Feeling empowered by this, and using the Catholic Sexual Abuse scandal as a very flimsy and thin guise, they have set out to attempt to direct a religion to modify it’s beliefs to conform to their will. This is in blatant violation of our 1st Amendment rights. It is unthinkable for America or any other government to order a Church which had stood firmly on these foundations for over 2000 years that in order to comply with the new social order being forcibly mandated, they must Change Doctrine and Dogma (something the Church cannot do, even if they wanted to). All done in order to eliminate or reverse the church teachings on Abortion, Divorce and Remarriage, Fornication, Birth Control, Families, Homsexual Sex, and Homosexual Unions. I feel sickened that our government can participate in such a body with no respect for individual rights or freedoms to disagree and pursue a tried and true moral path. This same Institution which has told all the governmental entities before the UN, and it will tell all the ones after the UN, but right now it is telling the UN  – emphatically “NO!”

Make no mistake – it is tyranny when a governmental body starts dictating what doctrine a Church can hold.

I urge you in the strongest terms to take whatever measures are still open to you in our eroded democracy. To subvert the misguided executive power of the pen, the appointment, the executive order, the unratified treaty signing, and the phone – and to put an immediate stop to this by sponsoring a binding US Senate resolution supporting the right of the Catholic Church to maintain their religious and moral values, regardless of popular culture or pop-psychology. In addition, the resolution should condemn the UN body for attempting to impede the free practice of Catholicism – the worlds largest Christian Denomination.

Thank You and I will be praying for you,
Colin
https://catholichusband.wordpress.com

PS: Please share and tag your senators in this post! A Viral response will make it hard to ignore.

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