A Catholic Wife Responds

27 Jan

My beloved wife came across this article on Facebook, and had no trouble expressing her feelings about it. I’m quoting her here straight from her facebook post with her permission. Like and share if you agree with her. In the meantime, I’ll be praying for the author of the article with her.

This article might be better entitled “Arrogant, Angry, Ultra Feminist Fool Goes Off Half Cocked in a Flurry of Presumption and Cluelessness.”

Indeed I do feel I am just as well off as “women who take care of themselves.” I left a successful career to stay home and raise my children because I believe it is the most important thing I could be doing with my time right now. There is no reason why I cannot resume my career later or even start an entirely new one when the time comes. I am more than capable of thinking, choosing, and taking care of myself, thank you. I simply don’t measure success by money, affluence, or influence alone. I can think of no greater contribution to make of my life than raising my children to be independent, well educated, responsible adults of good character. This is a woman filled with anger and bitterness, and I simply refuse to live my life that way. She has every right to make her own choices. She has no right to make mine.


– Debra & Colin

PS: If you’d like to hear more from my wife – leave a comment and let her know.

11 Responses to “A Catholic Wife Responds”

  1. Mich-in-French January 27, 2014 at 2:21 am #

    No other words except – well said! I am so in your corner although I did not have the opportunity to stay at home with my children I always wished I had been able to. So if you can you should, in my humble opinion – we only get our children for such a shirt time and we have to make it count – we can never get it back once it has passed.

    It is so sad when others have such an angry view at what I see as the most challenging thing around – to raise strong, respectful, well balanced children – who are not bitter and twisted… and to have a healthy happy marriage – 2 of the hardest things to do on earth if you look at all the stats!

    I think this feminist is in desperate need of a moms arms around her…


    • Debra January 27, 2014 at 2:40 am #

      It is not that I think if you can, you should. My way is clearly not the only way to raise a healthy family. The point is as women, families, and human beings, we are each unique–our hopes and dreams, our life circumstances, our needs, our strengths and weaknesses, and even our measure of success. No one should be impugning women for becoming mothers, choosing to stay home with husband and children, or going to work to help make ends meet or even just because that’s the path they most want. These are personal decisions we all have to make. One is not inherently inferior to the other. You can’t tell me that helping people keep their computer working properly or managing an enterprise computer network for a government agency (which was the area of my prior career) is more important than my children are. I count myself lucky my husband’s income is sufficient that we can make it without mine. But I have no desire to impugn ladies who stay engaged in their careers. I know many women who are very successful at balancing that equation, and it works for them. But let it be known! I do not count myself less. I am a Navy wife. I am quite used to taking care of myself. This is how I choose to raise our family, and I do believe what I do is important. It was important enough to me to put other things on hold. This woman’s world view is extremely narrow minded and short sighted, and her arrogant presumption is insulting.


      • Mich-in-French January 28, 2014 at 8:55 am #

        You and share the same thinking here Debra. It is her attitude towards the decision that makes me angry and sad. I love my children point – I need to work right now fact but nothing can take away the joy and the rewarding moments of being a mom and a wife. I so look up to moms that stay at home and the woman who decides she doesn’t want children – because either way she has made the decision to love her life for herself. We all have unique stories and we need to uniquely respond to them – I am amazed at her narrow minded way of thinking but then it takes all types to keep this world interesting hey!


  2. The Overlord Bear January 27, 2014 at 6:27 am #

    You know, I’m now starting to think that a mother raising kids to be good people is really awesome. Sure, a woman doing things “men can do” can be seen as awesome by most people, but when I think about it, these “man work” being done by women…I think they’re things that any sufficiently trained and willpower-filled human, male or female, can do, putting aside biological differences between males and females. But taking care of kids so that they may be good people that can make the world a better place to live in for everyone…that’s something that I don’t look down upon. I hope my point here is understandable…ahaha…

    Ah, anyway, money and fame isn’t everything, you know. Raising kids…I think it’s a great opportunity to make the world a better place!

    Ah, this is really something to reflect about, alright…

    I’d like to hear more from you again sometime, Debra! Thank you very much for this response of yours!

    Oh, and I can pretty much forgive that woman who the article that you responded to, but still, I won’t let that attitude–note: “attitude,” not “person”–prevail!


    • Debra January 27, 2014 at 9:41 am #

      Exactly. It is not that she made different choices that is the big problem here (though I would take serious moral issue with her thoughts on marriage and sexuality if you follow theBlaze’s link to her complete post). It’s the arrogant attitude that her way is right and any other choice is inferior, that raising children is unimportant and unfulfilling, and that the women who choose to live this way do so only because they see themselves as somehow inferior or incapable. Absolutely not!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mich-in-French January 28, 2014 at 8:47 am #

        I fully agree!


    • Angela Goudman January 19, 2016 at 4:03 pm #

      My mother once had an article pasted on her fridge. It was about “mean moms”. The author said things such as, “Was your mom mean? Mine sure was! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to eat something decent. She always wanted to know who our friends were, where we were going, who we were with, and when we’d be back. She broke all the child labour laws making us do chores. I swear she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do. None of us has ever been in any sort of trouble. We’ve all grown up to be decent, contributing human beings. It was all her fault. I think I know what’s the matter with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean moms.”

      I am a working stepmother. My stepdaughter lives with us half-time. My husband also works for the present – but he usually works nights and I work days. (Our daughter goes to public school as her mom won’t allows us to homeschool her.) If we are fortunate enough to have more children, with God’s grace, I will be a working mother and he will stay home. I have a master’s degree and teach at a college. I have a fantastic benefits package and I get 11 weeks’ paid vacation a year. I earn a good salary. My husband is high-functioning autistic and works as a security guard. He gets two weeks’ paid vacation a year and earns less than I do. Now, he’s a wonderful husband and a great dad (he was a stay-at-home dad the first two years of his daughter’s life because he was a new immigrant and couldn’t work) but he has limited career options due to his disability. We figured out something that works for us.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Debra January 19, 2016 at 10:36 pm #

        What works, what fits, what allows you as a couple to make your family as strong as it can be is the right path. No one but you and your husband has any place making those decisions for your family or looking down on you for doing your best.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. D.E. Cantor January 29, 2014 at 6:00 pm #

    This is so great for so many reasons I don’t know where to begin! It should not need to be said that not everyone worships money, not everyone is so career-obsessed they push aside everything else and children are very lucky if their family can afford to have someone who loves them stay with them all day. But, sadly, it does need to be said, and you said it beautifully. In other words, as your husband said, I like what you wrote and am encouraging you to keep blogging.


    • Debra January 29, 2014 at 10:44 pm #

      Thank you!


  4. roseannetsullivan January 19, 2016 at 10:23 pm #

    When I worked in the computer industry, one of the saddest sights I saw was when I opened the break room freezer and found filled with little plastic bags of mother’s milk. The baby was being fed his mother’s milk through a plastic nipple by someone else, and the mother was back at work because her maternity leave was over. Working outside the home is not what it is painted as being.

    Another sad sight was visiting my friend in Minnesota from CA one winter week and seeing her get up very early. After pumping her milk, she had to bundle her baby up to get into the car and take him to the day care center so she could go to work.

    Lots of losses. The baby loses the skin contact and intimacy with the mother. The mother loses precious hours with the baby. The stress of having to manage the child care and home during non-work hours all must be having a bad effect on the children’s sense of security. And the mother has to harden her heart …

    Liked by 1 person

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