On “Keeping Score” in Matrimony

6 Aug

1024px-Peoples_Bank_Field_Scoreboard

One of the biggest things to avoid in marriage is keeping score. It’s also one of the things we seem to do the most. Nothing is “Fair” and marriage is NEVER 50/50.

Marriage is 100/100 – It’s an ALL IN proposition.

Take your scoreboard down. You are supposed to be on the same team, not in competition. Think about how you can help each other – and don’t worry about who helps who more. It’s not about YOU anymore after you enter the sacrament of matrimony – you are third in line or further down in your own priority list which starts with God, goes to Spouse, then Children (if any), and then YOU, after all that – everyone and everything else. (YES I DID! I put Spouse before Children in that list!)

Take a moment out of each morning to recommit yourself to loving and serving God and your Spouse (Yes Husbands are bound by the SAME RULES). Much of the time when I see scorekeeping happening it is because the husband or wife is not putting their spouse first and compounded by a spouse who is keeping score – for what constructive purpose I cannot fathom.

Communication plays a critical role. Even the best husbands can be both oblivious and dense at the same time (as can the best wives). Is your scorecard part of a plan to humiliate them to action? Is it to prove how much more virtuous you are carrying most of the load? Could it be that it’s just being saved up for the next disagreement, where it will be used as a club in an unrelated argument? — No… Stop… Don’t…

I think I like my wifes method best – she has refined it over the years mind you, and it works well when I use it too. It goes something like this “Dear, WE need to (Accomplish X), could you be a love and (Do X) for/with me. I don’t think I can get this done without you.”. What I love about this approach is that there is no snip or ugliness, there is instead:

  • a term of endearment sincerely expressed (often with a pat or kiss)
  • a reminder that we are both one flesh with the word WE
  • a specific goal is laid out
  • a request – not an order to do a specific task accompanied by another term of endearment
  • A very truthful declaration that the help from me is necessary

Now for the good part – it works on Wives and Husbands equally well. compare your own response to the above method vs. “Get off your fat lazy backside, clear the table and do the cursed dishes or we just won’t eat tonight lazybones”.  *I’d like to think I can rest my case on this one example – but it applies in all kinds of ways in your marriage.

However if you must keep score – start keeping track of the random acts of kindness you perform for your spouse every day. Every morning, look at yesterdays total – and try to better it.

Pax Christi,

Colin

Initiating Intimacy is Important

4 Aug

Admonitions_Scroll_Scene_10

Here’s something you likely haven’t given much thought to. However, it is of just as much importance as the intimacy itself is to your marriage and the bond between spouses.

Everyone – Husbands and Wives alike, needs to feel loved, wanted, attractive, accepted. If the same party is always the one initiating Intimacy (anything and everything from verbal gestures and holding hands to the Marital Embrace qualifies here) then the initiating party begins to feel as though his or her feelings are not mutual. This can be devastating to our marriages in many ways.

When intimacy breaks down because one partners is not feeling that the intimacy is returned in kind then emotions like anger, resentment, disaffection, and distancing start to surface. Self Esteem is damaged severely, and the bond between the spouses is weakened and sometimes irreparably damaged.

The solutions are so simple, and yet so psychologically complicated. In short people must both realize that in marriage we are EQUAL partners. Both Spouses have EQUAL rights and responsibilities when it comes to maintaining the marital bonds and it is not possible for just one partner to do it alone. We must be honest and sincere in our actions when initiating intimacy – disingenuousness usually works longer on Husbands than it does on Wives — but the end result is the same. It destroys trust and the marriage. Both parties must overcome their fears and doubts and trust their Spouse with their heart, naked and exposed.

  • Take the time to initiate Intimacy (not necessarily the Marital Embrace) with your spouse. Since some spouses can be blind as moles or stubborn as mules you may have to stretch yourself to reach them, especially if you are the wife.
  • If you are the husband then you likely need to relearn subtlety – how to court your wife and make her feel loved and wanted as a person. Your wife is not ignorant of the endgame, but she should never feel your affection is based on, nor depends upon that endgame. It is through selfless acts of affection that you will build her trust that what you seek is her love and happiness and not a romp in the hay.
  • Wives – In addition to being stubborn, most husbands tend to be hypersensitive of rejection. Especially by you – and especially when they feel it is repeated. He can behave rightly toward you, but if you do not reciprocate his tenders of affection or turn them away he will feel rejected. Just as you would if he did the same to you.  Smiles, handholding, and appreciation of even the most inept attempts to be affectionate or romantic are very helpful in building his self esteem up and keeping his focus on you where it should be. You should also remember that it will take times for Husbands to learn the more subtle cues. They will miss them until they really know you. This means that being more forward and direct is often required, and from time to time doing so is very helpful in making them feel desirable, loved, and wanted as well.
  • Both of you must realize that the goal here is not to reward affection with the Marital Embrace. Do these things to instead create an environment where you BOTH desire to give that gift to each other, and environment where both of you take initiative and responsibility to keep the affection between you and strengthen your bond.

In short, you are creating an environment in your marriage where the Marital Embrace becomes a tender of both affection and desire for unity between both of you and more. It becomes for you both, the deepest way of expressing that affection; And when  driving biological imperatives are removed from the act by the increased increased frequency – it becomes something more beautiful and bonding that I can describe in mere words. This will build the epoxy that binds you to each other as one, and keeps your focus always on the other. Don’t let anything come between you, especially anger, pride, or selfishness. We all know where those feelings come from, as well as where they lead us.

Pax Christi,

Colin

 

Tail Wags Dog!

1 Aug

I don’t whether to laugh or cry that so many have been led so far astray from the faith that they now think the Catholic Church is a “Democracy” led by the will of the mob instead of guided by the Holy Spirit. Thinking that Holy Doctrine on Faith and Morals is molded by society, rather than society being molded by Infallible Doctrine. I guess I missed the part of the bible where Jesus asked the crowds what he should say or do and then catered to their whims in order to be popular. This is the worst kind of tail wagging the dog I have ever seen. This should be a call to arms for every priest and bishop to start attending their own Catechism classes (teaching them personally if necessary), to start Catechising from the pulpit every Mass, and to start stressing to the faithful that Moral Truth is NEVER determined by a majority vote.

From the Wisconsin State Journal:

In the Spirit: Petitions with more than 20,000 signatures to be delivered to Bishop Robert Morlino

Read more: http://host.madison.com/lifestyles/faith-and-values/religion/in-the-spirit-petitions-with-more-than-signatures-to-be/article_d89014d3-94b9-58b8-ad5f-82b2120357e4.html#ixzz39C7y2syt

Pax Christi,

Colin

Why Traditional Marriage is NOT Discrimination

25 Jul

 

This video answers the question with Charity, Clarity, and Catholic Principles.
Fantastic! #DefendMarriage

Pax Christi,

Colin

 

#DefendMarriage

25 Jul

I spend alot of time talking about marriage and its importance. This is a cause I believe in wholeheartedly, and without reservation. If we do not take a stand now then marriage as God himself instituted will be lost to our society. Many of us are faced with the choice of talking or acting. This is an action everyone can take. This petition is important – and it provides a peaceful and democratic way to ensure our voices are heard and our numbers counted on this issue. If ever there was a time to step forward and be counted – this is it. Do it for your wife or husband, do it for your children and their children, but just do it. Take 3 minutes out of your life and sign the petition.

We will never be heard unless we speak aloud with one voice, in deafening solidarity.

After you have signed the petition – I would ask those of you so inclined to please share this post far and wide on social media and email. Bloggers are encouraged to Re-Blog this post.

Then do any or all of the following:

  • Go to your church and have a mass said for the intention of Sacramental Marriage
  • Add it to your intentions in Eucharistic Adoration
  • Pray the Rosary for this intention, or better yet form a rosary group to continue praying until Sacramental Matrimony is secure in America.

Click Here for the petition:
http://www.lcaction.cc/674/petition.asp

Pax Christi.

Colin

Following up with Kathryn

5 Jul

10411379_10203895950423132_6606319418715184191_n

 

A while back I asked for your prayers to support Kathryn Gardner. Many of you responded enthusiastically. Kathryn survived against the odds and through great adversity and is finally on the mend. The picture of her above is with her mother recently. You can look back through my old posts to see how amazing her change in appearance has been. She is getting better, but still needs your prayers as she is having a very rough time emotionally with her recovery. This is something I have experienced personally. Please consider adding her to your prayer list for emotional healing and comfort through her continuing recovery. You can follow her on facebook here (G-Force is an organization locally put together to support the Gardner family through this tragedy)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/GForcePage/?fref=nf

Here is the latest update from her mother:

Happy 4th of July everyone. The Gardner Girls are back from their Texas Tour – they had a wonderful time. Thank you so much to our family and friends who shared their homes and time showing our kids a great vacation. Having her sisters home has greatly lifted Kathryn’s spirits. She has been in a “funk” as of late. You see, before the Bone Marrow Transplant Kathryn was just to sick to want to do anything. Her mental condition was compromised by all the medication she was on and suffered from what is called “chemo fog”, meaning she was not clear of thought. Her body was failing and she was so weak and sick that she did not want to do anything but sleep. She was very docile to whatever was asked of her – taking medicine, receiving her treatments, etc …. Now that we are peeling back on her medications and she is starting to feel better – the isolation and restrictions are warring on her emotionally. The “chemo fog” is gone – she is now clear of thought and the reality of her situation has hit. As the “fog” is lifted she has more time to think about all the restrictions she lives with. She now wants to go outside – like her sisters are, she wants to visit with friends – like before she got sick, she wants to go on vacation like her sisters did. She wants to go out to eat or to a movie or to swim – but realize that she can not. It reminds me that she is still a 14 year old teenager wanting to do normal 14 year old teenager things. As much as we remind her that this is all temporary – it is for now and it hurts her heart. We have been told that these feelings are all a normal part of the process and as the restrictions are lifted it will get better. Medically she is doing fantastic, but struggling emotionally at this time.
The first 100 days are considered critical post transplant – we are day 61, so we are 3/4 of the way there – this last stretch is a lesson in fortitude.

Thank you for sending the pictures – we enjoy seeing them. We thank you all for your prayers, well wishes, cards, donations and gifts. We pray daily for all of you – we pray a blessing back to all those who are praying for us.
At this point all we can do is pray and wait ….. Blessings to All, Kathy

Thank you all and God Bless,

Colin

Human Sacrifice is Alive and Well

1 Jul

01_22

 

It’s not a baby, its a “Clump of Cells” according to the liberal left. This baby was a human being that was sacrificed on the altar of:

  • Financial Security
  • Greed
  • Convenience
  • Career
  • Education
  • Adultery/Infidelity
  • Fornication
  • Fear
  • Irresponsibility

I could go on – but in short, this Baby was a human sacrifice. Murdered to obtain something of comfort or value in this life at the price of an unthinkable sin against God. We all know murder is wrong – so we tell ourselves it’s not a person. Look closely at the picture above and tell me that’s not a baby. Tell me it’s a clump of random cells in a blob. Yeah, that’s what I thought – It’s a baby human. A gift from God and some mother to whose care it was entrusted murdered it before it was born. This is how far our society has fallen.

To give you an idea how far that fall is we need to examine Roman law that protected the unborn and made abortion illegal. They recognized the innocence of the unborn child and would not even execute a pregnant women. These people had zero respect for life in general and meted out death in a public manner and on a grand scale. They thought up amazing ways to kill people, especially focusing on how to keep them from dying too quickly. Crucifixion comes to mind, since it was a penalty too brutal to use to execute a Roman citizen. They could still kill a citizen by beating him to death though. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out just how badly damaged our moral compass is.

When a woman murders her unborn child – she is sacrificing its life because of her mistake or to make life easier for her in some way. We live in a society where we charge people with crimes for spanking children but we harbor criminals who participate or facilitate human sacrifice through abortions.  When a child with issues like down syndrome is murdered, it is not really concern for the child – it is concern for the time, effort, lifestyle changes, and fiscal costs necessary to care for that child. Let us not fool ourselves any further – dishonesty just compounds the evil.

Women need these fairy tales about how it’s just a clump of cells (No wonder Planned Parenthood doesn’t want women to see their babies on an ultrasound machine first!) to go through the sacrifice without going mad. Men should be ashamed of themselves. They need to start taking full responsibility. Don’t have premarital sex. If you do make sure it is with a woman you are willing to take to wife – because the very second conception occurs your life is forever changed. You now have an obligation to provide and care for that mother and child over any personal aspirations you may have had. To provide a home and family. Men used to be expected to marry young ladies they left in a family way – and treat them as sacramental marriage requires. The pregnancy alone is proof of strong chemistry – and true love develops over time anyway. Now so many men push the women to have abortions with threats and coercion, and failing those being efficacious – use any wrangling they can to get out of supporting their offspring.

The worst part is that those men push Human Sacrifice on the mothers for the same reasons listed above. Then to compound their sin, they induce others to sin. The family is the basis of civilization. Take the chivalrous path, let duty, honor, and sacrifice be things we once again admire. Let women choose young men more wisely making moral character the key quality they seek. Let women practice the Lysistrata defense and demand sacramental marriage prior to coitus. If a man will not make a commitment and wait, then he is not worthy of her anyway.

Stop the Human Sacrifice – you are bartering for things that do not matter (you cannot take them with you when you die – nor will they be your epitaph) and you are trading the most precious gift God bestows. Only one entity would encourage such a bargain – have you ever considered that in performing the Human Sacrifice of your child one might stop and ask themselves “Whom does this serve?” I guarantee “God” will not be the answer.

When the Obamacare demanded Catholic business owners and other persons of moral conscience not only support, but to personally fund this human sacrifice – they went off the reservation. Thanks be to God for the Supreme Court providing a moral compass. Mind you this does not stop all abortions – it just stops Catholics and others with similar religious convictions from having to pay for them. It’s the first step in the right direction in a long time.

Pax  Christi,

Colin

 

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 562 other followers

%d bloggers like this: